Looking at Sports: When It Sickens Me

Sports has been touching all our lives, but it is important we don't get too sappy about how sports helps us learn this and how it helps us do that.

And I say this because it really irritates me, especially when my mother tells me to go out and play when I am watching TV.

It also irritates me when I am asked to watch a match when I am watching a movie.

And when this happens, this is how I see sports:

American Football

The game looks to me like Dog and The Bone.

It's like the old game where there are two teams and they send a player to take the bone kept in the middle and stop the other team's player from taking it.

What else can it be?

If you have so much of a problem, get a bone for yourself. And, for god's sake, behave like men and not like kids. Even after you are 20, someone will have to tell you that you will get hurt like this.

And yeah, at least try to act like proper dogs chasing a bone and not some humans acting like dogs. First you play and then you don't play properly.

Basketball

Tell me is this an attitude class that you keep on staring at each other, or maybe a dancing class where you use the ball as a prop to show your moves.

Along with that, you guys are so unfair towards shorties. How can 5'4", 5'5", or 5'6" people play with you?

I am going to complain to the UN about discrimination.

Hockey (both Ice and Field)

Oh, sorry, I can't tell you about this one—never watched the sport.

Sorry for the break in proceedings.

Football

You guys are the people I really find hard to understand.

You guys pass you bone (the ball) despite the fact that people are not jumping over you guys.

At least that's why I think the American Football guys throw the ball around.

And over that, you hit the ball into a netted area. Are you guys collecting food for the winter?

But you do this throughout the year. When is the time to chew the bone?

And if you put the same bone in a place 10 times, it does not mean you have collected 10 bones.

Also, you do not require to take of your shirt every time you manage to take the bone to its destination. Don't mix jobs. Either strip or collect food.

And I thought the previous sports were annoying.

Tennis

You just seem like guys who have forgotten how to become a Jedi.

You have got the moves right, but you have forgotten that you do not hit a ball over a net and pass it to the other side. You face the opponent and have a sword fight.

I would recommend you see Star Wars.

And, if you can't buy a lightsaber, then don't become a Jedi. Don't insult those great men with lightsabers by using some big faced net. You would become a good mosquito killer, though.

Wrestling

I actually sympathize with you guys.

I know it is very hard to learn that Matrix style of fighting with all the elegance. Why do you have to be gentlemanly to knock a person down? All it takes is a spine-breaking punch.

I hope the world learns one day.

Racing (F1)

Is it you, T-Bone (from the Swat Cats,the old cartoon)?

What happened? Did Razor leave you? Did he also take away the common jet you guys owned?

Man, build a new jet. Don't break these nice looking cars by trying to drive them like a plane. Also, these don't have missiles.

Racing (MotoGP)

So, T-Bone went to F1 and Razor came to MotoGP.

Let me tell you, you did not do the right thing with T-Bone.

And yeah, do you know bending throughout the day is not good for your back. And this is not a cartoon in which you win all the time.

Tell the last bit to T-Bone, too.

Cricket

Do you guys want to explain the three stages of life? T20, a child. ODIs, an Adult. Test Cricket, an old man.

And, over that, you have guys trying to protect the stumps. There are better ways to save wood.

Baseball

You guys should teach the batter to look at the ball. But the problem is what are they supposed to do when someone throws a ball at you like that?

And can't you just stop the game when there is a tie after nine innings? Do you have to go on and on until you do not have one winner?

Learn to share. And if adults act like this, what will the children learn?

Athletics

You guys run a thief school or something?

You have people who can run and jump very well. It seems like you train the best thieves in the business.

I will tell the police and shut you down.

Dann Khan

I know I know, he is not a sport. But he is an idiot who loves sports.

Look at the way he is holding that tea cup. Irritating brat.

Just give him POTDs so that he gets an AOTD. Or else he will try to write another article about how much he loves sports to get one.

Better get done with him now. Maybe a fan add would keep you away from him for ever.

Wonder if he is bad at age 15, how will he be when he hits 20?