Looking at Sports: When It Sickens Me

By (Analyst) on June 12, 2009

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Sports has been touching all our lives, but it is important we don't get too sappy about how sports helps us learn this and how it helps us do that.

And I say this because it really irritates me, especially when my mother tells me to go out and play when I am watching TV.

It also irritates me when I am asked to watch a match when I am watching a movie.

And when this happens, this is how I see sports:

American Football

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The game looks to me like Dog and The Bone.

It's like the old game where there are two teams and they send a player to take the bone kept in the middle and stop the other team's player from taking it.

What else can it be?

If you have so much of a problem, get a bone for yourself. And, for god's sake, behave like men and not like kids. Even after you are 20, someone will have to tell you that you will get hurt like this.

And yeah, at least try to act like proper dogs chasing a bone and not some humans acting like dogs. First you play and then you don't play properly.

Basketball

ORLANDO, FL - JUNE 11:  Mickael Pietrus #20 of the Orlando Magic lays the ball up in Game Four of the 2009 NBA Finals against the Los Angeles Lakers on June 11, 2009 at Amway Arena in Orlando, Florida.  NOTE TO USER:  User expressly acknowledges and agree

Tell me is this an attitude class that you keep on staring at each other, or maybe a dancing class where you use the ball as a prop to show your moves.

Along with that, you guys are so unfair towards shorties. How can 5'4", 5'5", or 5'6" people play with you?

I am going to complain to the UN about discrimination.

Hockey (both Ice and Field)

PITTSBURGH - JUNE 09:  Darren Helm #43 of the Detroit Red Wings skates against the Pittsburgh Penguins during Game Six of the NHL Stanley Cup Finals at the Mellon Arena on June 9, 2009 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)

Oh, sorry, I can't tell you about this one—never watched the sport.

Sorry for the break in proceedings.

Football

SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA - JUNE 10:  Jaycee Okwunwanne of Bahrain watches the ball during the 2010 FIFA World Cup Asian qualifying match between the Australian Socceroos and Bahrain at ANZ Stadium on June 10, 2009 in Sydney, Australia.  (Photo by Cameron Spencer

You guys are the people I really find hard to understand.

You guys pass you bone (the ball) despite the fact that people are not jumping over you guys.

At least that's why I think the American Football guys throw the ball around.

And over that, you hit the ball into a netted area. Are you guys collecting food for the winter?

But you do this throughout the year. When is the time to chew the bone?

And if you put the same bone in a place 10 times, it does not mean you have collected 10 bones.

Also, you do not require to take of your shirt every time you manage to take the bone to its destination. Don't mix jobs. Either strip or collect food.

And I thought the previous sports were annoying.

Tennis

LONDON, ENGLAND - JUNE 11:  Lleyton Hewitt of Australia plays a forehand during the men's third round match against Andy Roddick of USA during Day 3 of the the AEGON Championship at Queens Club on June 11, 2009 in London, England.  (Photo by Hamish Blair/

You just seem like guys who have forgotten how to become a Jedi.

You have got the moves right, but you have forgotten that you do not hit a ball over a net and pass it to the other side. You face the opponent and have a sword fight.

I would recommend you see Star Wars.

And, if you can't buy a lightsaber, then don't become a Jedi. Don't insult those great men with lightsabers by using some big faced net. You would become a good mosquito killer, though.

Wrestling

LOS ANGELES, CA - MAY 05:  Lil Chicken and one of Los Cavaleras luchadores, traditional Mexican wrestlers, perform at the Lucha Vavoom Cinco de Mayan! show at the Mayan Theater on Cinco de Mayo, May 5, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. Lucha Vavoom combine

I actually sympathize with you guys.

I know it is very hard to learn that Matrix style of fighting with all the elegance. Why do you have to be gentlemanly to knock a person down? All it takes is a spine-breaking punch.

I hope the world learns one day.

Racing (F1)

ISTANBUL, TURKEY - JUNE 07:  Jarno Trulli of Italy and Toyota drives during the Turkish Formula One Grand Prix at Istanbul Park on June 7, 2009, in Istanbul, Turkey.  (Photo by Clive Mason/Getty Images)

Is it you, T-Bone (from the Swat Cats,the old cartoon)?

What happened? Did Razor leave you? Did he also take away the common jet you guys owned?

Man, build a new jet. Don't break these nice looking cars by trying to drive them like a plane. Also, these don't have missiles.

Racing (MotoGP)

MOTEGI, JAPAN - APRIL 26:  Jorge Lorenzo of Spain and Fiat Yamaha Team leads Valentino Rossi of Italy and Fiat Yamaha Team during the MotoGP World Championship Grand Prix of Japan at Twin Ring Motegi on April 26, 2009 in Motegi, Japan.  (Photo by Kiyoshi

So, T-Bone went to F1 and Razor came to MotoGP.

Let me tell you, you did not do the right thing with T-Bone.

And yeah, do you know bending throughout the day is not good for your back. And this is not a cartoon in which you win all the time.

Tell the last bit to T-Bone, too.

Cricket

NOTTINGHAM, ENGLAND - JUNE 11:  Kevin Pietersen of England hits out during the ICC World Twenty20 Super Eights match between England and South Africa at Trent Bridge on June 11, 2009 in Nottingham, England.  (Photo by Clive Rose/Getty Images)

Do you guys want to explain the three stages of life? T20, a child. ODIs, an Adult. Test Cricket, an old man.

And, over that, you have guys trying to protect the stumps. There are better ways to save wood.

Baseball

BOSTON - JUNE 11: Jason Bay #44 of the Boston Red Sox hits a single to knock in a run to tie the New York Yankees at Fenway Park on June 11, 2009 in Boston, Massachusetts.  (Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images)

You guys should teach the batter to look at the ball. But the problem is what are they supposed to do when someone throws a ball at you like that?

And can't you just stop the game when there is a tie after nine innings? Do you have to go on and on until you do not have one winner?

Learn to share. And if adults act like this, what will the children learn?

Athletics

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You guys run a thief school or something?

You have people who can run and jump very well. It seems like you train the best thieves in the business.

I will tell the police and shut you down.

Dann Khan

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I know I know, he is not a sport. But he is an idiot who loves sports.

Look at the way he is holding that tea cup. Irritating brat.

Just give him POTDs so that he gets an AOTD. Or else he will try to write another article about how much he loves sports to get one.

Better get done with him now. Maybe a fan add would keep you away from him for ever.

Wonder if he is bad at age 15, how will he be when he hits 20?

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