The 10 Best Dream Guest Voicemail Messages
About two months, a man going by the name Barnz from Fayettesville, Arkansas sent an email to ESPN writer Bill Simmons about an encounter with Academy Award winning Actor Morgan Freeman. Freeman had just opened up a restaurant in the area called "Pig 'N Whistle BBQ."
When he met Freeman, instead of asking for an autograph he asked him to record a message for him on his voicemail.
Freeman obliged and the message goes like this, "This is actor Morgan Freeman, Barnz is away from his phone right now but leave a message and he will call you back, I hope...I hope."
Whether it's true or not, it's an absolutely awesome story and a brilliant idea. I'm not sure Morgan Freeman can be topped, but the voicemail idea is something I will try to remember in any future instances where I happen upon a celebrity.
It also got me thinking, who in sports could leave the best messages on someone's phone. Just how would they sound?
Here's my list of what I think would be the ten best. Feel free to comment if you think I missed anyone, or if this slideshow was a total waste of time and you need to vent.
10. Jay Cutler (QB for the Chicago Bears)
"Hey, what up? Jay Cutler here you know. Matt's not here, you know, but just leave a message and he'll get back to you, you know."
9. Terrell Owens (WR for the Buffalo Bills)
"T.O. here, Matt's not. Go ahead and leave a message after the beep. Why you're leaving a message for him and not me I can't comprehend. I wasn't the guy who got tired during the Super Bowl."
8. James Harrison (OLB for the Pittsburgh Steelers)
(Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger filling in for James Harrison.)
"Ben Roethlisberger here telling you that Matt is not here right now. This was originally James Harrison's part but they settled for the next best thing. Hehe, James has a prepared statement regarding his absence he wanted me to read, if you don't mind waiting till afterward to leave your message."
'This is how I feel—if you want me to leave a voicemail message on your phone, invite me when my team doesn't win the Super Bowl. As far as I'm concerned, odds are he would've requested Larry Fitzgerald if his TD stood up.'
7. Allen Iverson (SG for the Detroit Pistons)
"Allen Iverson here, I'm the franchise player here. I don't know any franchise players that come off the bench. I don't know any Olympian that comes off the bench. I don't know any All-Star that comes off the bench. I don't know any former MVP that comes off the bench. I don't know any three-time scoring champion that comes off the bench. I don't know any first team All-NBA that comes off the bench.
"So why should I? And why the hell am I recording this message for some kid named Matt? He's not here!"
6. Ozzie Guillen (Manager for the Chicago White Sox)
"This is Ozzie Guillen on Matt's phone, he's not here. Where is he? Why is he so afraid to show up to the ballpark? When you're afraid to do something, you feel guilty about something. Then tell him we'll pay his cab. Tell him to tell us where he lives, and we'll bring him to the ballpark and we'll have a conversation. But that's the way he is. He's garbage, still garbage, going to die as garbage. Period."
5. Lebron James (SF for the Cleveland Cavaliers)
"Lebron James here on Matt's phone. Matt's not here right now...PLAYOFFS BABY! CHOSEN ONE! POSTSEASON! POSTSEASOOON!!!!! WHOO!!!! CHOSEN ONE! OHIO! AKRON, OHIO! WHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
4. Alex Rodriguez (3B for the New York Yankees)
"Alex Rodriguez here. I don't know if it's because I'm good-looking, I'm biracial, I make the most money, I play on the most popular team, but Matt has asked me to record this message for him. Leave your own message after the beep."
3. Mike Gundy (Head Football Coach for the Oklahoma State University)
"Matt's not here right now, I'm hoping you're mature enough to act like an adult and not downgrade this kid for doing everything right in this upcoming message. That prior voicemail had to have been left by a person that doesn't have a child...And has never had a child, that's had their HEART BROKEN AND COME HOME upset, and had to deal with the child when he is upset and kick a person when he's down.
"Here's all that kid did; he goes to class, he's respectful to the media, he's respectful to the PUBLIC, and he's a good kid. And he's not a professional athlete and he doesn't deserve to be kicked like one. If you have a child someday, you'll understand how it feels but you obviously don't."
2. Roger Clemens (SP currently in too much legal trouble to be focused on Baseball)
"Matt Cullen's phone, Matt not here but I've said it once and I will say it again...I have never left a voicemail on his phone before. And let me just add to it, it's common sense for me not to as our family has had a history of heart conditions. Uh, my brother had a heart attack in his late 40's. Uh, my step-dad died of a heart attack. Uh, I mean it would be SUICIDAL for me to even think about leaving him a voicemail!
"Leave one at your own risk as I continue to tell kids of all ages of the dangers and stop piling it on!"
1. Lane Kiffin (Head Football Coach for the University of Tennessee)
HA! This is Lane Kiffin and I just caught you red-handed! Just so you know, when a recruit is on another campus you can't call a recruit on another campus. But I love the fact that you have to cheat and still aren't going to get him.
Leave Matt a message if you wish, it's futile at this point. He's mine and you're screwed!