He worked long and hard to achieve victory at Sochi, but Sage Kotsenburg wasn’t interested in the gold.
No, the U.S. snowboarder wanted a nobler award than precious metal after winning the inaugural slopestyle competition at the 2014 Winter Olympics. He wanted something he could enjoy intimately, nutritionally. He wished for a medal made out of bacon.
Fortunately, Conan O'Brien turned this strange wish into reality. The late-night talk show host invited Kotsenburg onto Conan Thursday night to chat about Sochi, trade fashion tips and offer him the greatest gift of all—a medal made of salted pig flesh.
Conan presented Kotsenburg with his very own bacon medal—which may or may not be the most patriotic gift one can give.
“If there’s one thing Americans can get behind—besides a gold medal—it’s bacon,” Conan said.
Truer words have never been spoken, and Kotsenburg accepted the gift by promptly devouring half of it with a single bite. That was proper form on the snowboarder’s part, as you don’t stare a gift pig in the mouth—you tear into it as quickly as possible.
Kotsenburg also took some time to introduce Conan to the latest in snowboarding fashion and offered him his very own beanie with built-in bro hair.
With that, it’s probably safe to say Kotsenburg has solidified himself as the new darling of the American snowboarding scene. Shaun White decided to focus on multiple events and paid the price.
Kotsenburg, on the other hand, kept his eyes on the bacon—a strategy that will always pay off.
Bacon is for closers.
Like the new article format? Send us feedback!