Chicks Dig the Long Ball

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Chicks Dig the Long Ball
(Photo by Jeff Gross/Getty Images)

On June 6, 2009 I woke up to line up outside the local Macy's in order to meet Andre Ethier and Clayton Kershaw. Little did I know that I would soon be surrounded by 400 screaming, hormone-filled woman of all ages.

No, they were not there to see me. They were there to catch a glimpse of the newest sex symbol to hit Los Angeles...Andre Ethier. I had no idea how much of a chick magnet this guy was until I was there. Sure, my girlfriend would always talk about his good looks and his skills on the diamond, but never did I realize how much power this man had off the field.

When Kershaw was introduced the people cheered, but when Ethier was announced the second floor of the department store went insane. That building was so loud and shook so violently that I thought the '94 quake was happening in Northridge all over again.

My mother and my girlfriend’s mother compared it to the days of Fernando Mania. They said woman would follow him all over the place just to touch his pitching hand!

Well that's when I did every Dodger fan a HUGE favor. I shook Andre Ethier's hand, as well as Kershaw's, and transferred over some of my power to him. Since then he has done nothing more than hit four home runs, two walk off hits, has had a few RBI, and is now officially out of his May slump.

You are all so very welcomed. Just wait for Kershaw to pitch. I actually asked Kershaw if he could mark the ball, "Public enemy No. 1." He laughed asked if I was serious and signed it. Those two were very nice people.

Now as sarcastic as I say this, there is some truth to this madness. I, like many of you, am a superstitious man...but only when it come to baseball.

A few years ago I ran into Derek Lowe at Disneyland. I shook his hand, took a picture, had some small talk and he ended having a great second half (Maddux helped too) and took us to the playoffs.

The following year I did the same with Joe Biemel when I met him at ESPN ZONE in downtown Disney. We had small talk as we waited for a table, I shook his hand, and he was nice enough to let me take a cell phone picture with him.

All of these guys are really tall by the way. I'm only 5'8".

I’ve been told to use my gift on Jason Schmitt, but I do not work miracles. I am just a man.

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