NBA's Biggest Pimps: Guys You'd Thought Never Got Women
In a game full of gangsters, thugs, freaks, seven-foot guys, not seven-foot guys, kings, and superheroes, everybody knows that NBA players have no problem getting women.
Yes, we all know about the Shaqs, the Barkleys, the Rodmans, the Carmelos, and all those other guys that have player status written all over them.
Then there are the less than ideal types, who still never fail to get their share of fine ladies. You know the average joe who you despise, all because he's easily getting women out of his league?
Well say hello to those guys.
And no, were not talking about the Kobe Bryant and Tony Parker types. Hot wives have their place in a man's world, but this is all about being a player.
The numbers, the stats, and the percentages are what counts here.
So without further ado, the biggest NBA pimps who you'd thought never got women...
"Wildman" Anderson Varejao
With balls of steel like that, it really shouldn't be a surprise that Varejao gets women.
It's not so much that Varejao is a smooth Casanova, but I'm sure this man scrambles and dives after every loose lady in sight.
Can you imagine how many times this guy gets rejected, only to spring back up and get in women's faces about "how that wasn't a foul"?
The ladies would simply have no choice but to give in.
"The European Strong Man" Zydrunas Ilgauskas
The only thing possibly white-er than the bright lights at the Q, Big Z certainly doesn't look like the type that "shines" with the opposite sex.
But trust me, this gentle giant gets more than his fair share of women. You didn't actually think that Ilgauskas went for the "Close Shave" look for no reason, did you?
This Lithuanian lurks in the shadows of Cleveland's grittiest nightclubs, looking to establish position on all the pretty little ladies. Don't try to stop him either, as Big Z will simply box out your futile attempts.
"Dirty Boy" Bruce Bowen
Known for his less than honest style of play, Bowen brings the same element of trickery when it comes to females.
Most notably when girls are within his vicinity, Bowen sticks his foot out , tripping ladies left and right.
From here Bowen uses every trick in the book, while playing tenacious defense so that women couldn't possibly escape his grasp.
"Juicey Juice" Corey Maggette
This one really isn't a surprise, but I had to throw Maggette in here somewhere.
When he isn't working on his bench press, doing deadlifts, and eating small animals for snacks, you know this guys putting up serious numbers against Oakland's finest women.
Sure he has a wife, kids, blah, blah, blah. None of that matters when he has the ability to strangle people with nothing more than his little finger.
And besides it's Oakland, one of the baddest places within the West Coast.
"Classical Satisfaction" Commissioner David Stern
Don't be deceived by Stern's grandpa like mannerisms, or the way how he always talks as if he was reading a bed time story.
This man is surrounded by hot interns, secretaries, associates, and other fine desk bunnies just looking to get ahead in their positions.
Besides, Dianne Stern is a little past her prime anyways...
"Come Fly With Me" Chris Anderson
The Birdman Chris Anderson must have been "That Dude" in high school.
I could easily see him being a high school senior, bagging up freshmen girls and cheerleaders, while sniffing up some major coke.
It must be no different now, as I can only imagine the sheer number of mountain bunnies this man must have at his disposal.
"Come Sit On The Bench With Me" Adam Morrison
Ever since his infamous "crying" (for lack of a better word) back during his Gonzaga days, this man's basketball career has gone completely down hill.
This guy was picked third in the NBA draft, only to be traded away because he "couldn't handle the pressure" of being a No. 3 pick.
Sure he shot poorly and suffered a nasty knee injury, but according to Larry Brown, the first and foremost reason for the trade was because Morrison felt that he couldn't "handle the pressure".
Boy is this guy a mess or what?
Nowadays, Morrison is sitting on the bench for the Lakers.
Like all the time.
Reduced to nothing more than giving silly high fives to Kobe, even though he doesn't even have enough credibility to do that.
But don't feel too sorry for him, I'm sure even Morrison has no problem getting his grub.
Matter of fact, he's probably having fun with back up cheerleaders right as we speak.