The mediocrity of Lions football dumbfounds even the most loyal of fans who hope that one day their offense will find the ball and the defense will stop playing flag football and start tackling the darn ball carrier.
This is my defensive take on the Detroit Lions. At this moment, Matt Millen is finding new ways to destroy the franchise he took over in 2001. Since then the team has been a resounding 31-81—50 wins under .500.
Millen is 8-48 on the road. I am almost speechless...EIGHT WINS?! You have got to be kidding me. Please say it's all one cruel joke.
Yet through the beyond awful season we endure time after time, Millen is still the second highest paid GM in the NFL.
Enough of that ranting, this is about what they need (a GM perhaps?), not about what we dream we can do.
Let's start with the overall defensive stats from 2007.
The Lions allowed 444 points—the worst in the NFL. They allowed 32 passing touchdowns and more than 6,000 yards. There are a bunch of other stats I would rather not look at because if I do I believe I might get some weird blood clot that appears out of midair called Millenitis.
Sorry, I was ranting again. Let's look at it position by position.
Defensive End
After releasing the disappointing Kalimba Edwards, Dewayne White seems to be the only DE worth talking about. He made plays and that's all we could ask from him.
We need a talented star to at least give the opponent's QB a scare or even a little distraction. The whole purpose of pass rushing is either to sack the guy who runs a 5.50 40-yard dash or distract him into throwing a pick.
The only other "notable" DE on the team is that one guy who has the really weird name Ikaiaka ALAMA Francis, or something. He's young and looked good in college but this is the NFL...SHOW ME SOMETHING.
Defensive Tackle
After trading Shaun Rogers for being extremely fat and running out of breath after walking onto the field, he still was the only threat we had on the D-line. Shaun Cody hasn't done much, and after the one-year wonder Cory Redding petered out, getting a DT in the Draft sound like a good option.
Unless we could trade out best player, say Roy Williams for, say, Cletidus Hunt. Then we'll suck even more!
Linebacker
Ernie Sims. He's all we have...SERIOUSLY.
There's Anthony Cannon, a some guy who suddenly appeared on the roster after being on the training squad; Buster Davis, another practice squad guy who the Arizona Cardinals released; Alfred Fincher, the special teamer from new Orleans; Gilbert Gardner, the starting LB when the Colts won the Super Bowl (but all due respect, he was the backup until the starter became injured); Paris Lenon who lost us the Dallas game after not being able to LAND on the fumbled ball that could have won the game (but hey, let's not hold that against him); and Alex Lewis who only started five games out 41.
Need I say more?
Our linebackers have been a joke for as long as I can remember. Watching the TEs catch absolutely everything and watching that Philly game in 2007 made me cry.
Seriously, I guess it takes a special man to watch the Lions.
Cornerback
First I must admit that Rod Marinelli is a least attempting to address the poor ability to tackle, as well as stopping the receiver from catching the ball.
Almost the entire CB position has been changed except for Keith Smith and Stanley Wilson. Leigh Bodden, from the trade with the Browns; special teamer Devonte Edwards; Brian Kelly Israel Route; and Ramzee Robinson—oh and Taravis Fisher—God only knows why he's still there.
Hopefully the CB position is better, but only time will tell. I don't see us drafting a CB but you never know... It's Lions Logic—don't forget that.
Safety
Hopefully the Gerald Alexander and Daniel Bullocks mix will spark a tackling sensation between the two. It would be very nice to see a big hit now and then. Get the fans excited! God knows they need it.
Greg Blue hopefully will see some time. I saw him in that Dallas game—he was a tackling fool. And besides, saying "You're my boy Blue!" is way too much fun.
Dwight Smith is a huge addition to the team, whether or not anybody realizes it. He has been the starting safety on a team that hasn't been higher than sixth best defense in the league. Let's see what happens.
I noticed we had six safeties on the team. WHY? Last time I checked only two safeties are on the field at the same time. Not SIX!
Kicker
Jason Hanson is the all-time leading scorer for the Lions and, even though he is getting older, he still is accurate as ever. Though you know Arthritis kicks in with old age as well as Alzheimer’s. Hopefully Jason Hanson won't commit suicide with all the losses, commit to an insane asylum, or forget how to kick the friggen ball over that big yellow fork.
The scary thing is, Paul Ernster was just signed, and he's a kicker too. I don't know about you, but Jason has been the only kicker since 1992. Is he going to be replaced? Oh, say it ain't so!
Punter
Nick Harris is a punter who punts the ball...What more have I got to say?
He sounds good, and it sounds like he's getting better. Seeing the punter during the game is kinda bad though—it means we aren't scoring. Darn punters.
What have we got to do to right the ship, eh? Well, after careful deliberation, I say we need a brand new DEFNSIVE LINE as well as a new LINEBACKING CORPS.
The biggest whole is the linebackers. We have no depth. Ernie is the only guy who can do anything, and having only one linebacker is like trying to hold a pail of water with no bottom.
Dan Conner would be a perfect fit for us. I'm only saying that because almost any linebacker in the draft in better than what we have right now.
The defensive line is pretty lackluster. We need a DE and a DT for sure—at least one of each. I don't care who, just pick someone and see what happens. Of course I can't say that—I'm analyzing not rambling.
If he's available, Quenton Groves would be a perfect fit along with Kentwan Balmer, but I doubt either of them is going to be there in the second round or later. Dre Moore can start doing something and show the Lions how to sack somebody.
Well, that's all I got. My brain hurts. I'm gonna go crazy soon just thinking about who needs what and how that happens to be where why then not going to...Sorry my brain is shutting down. DARN YOU MILLENITIS!
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