Welcome to the latest edition of The Onion Bag, your one-stop shop for weird and wonderful football news.
We kick off in Germany, where Der Spiegel has uncovered a curious clause in an Adidas player endorsement contract: Their athletes are not permitted to be associated with Scientology (source in English here at Yahoo!).
Next, it's over to Brazil, where Gremio have unveiled plans to launch their own fast food restaurants, per Reuters (h/t Yahoo! Sports).
Finally, we go to Italy, where an eighth-tier team has aroused suspicion by scoring eight own goals in the final 10 minutes of a game, per The Guardian.
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