Reports are coming in that the Dallas Cowboys are thinking of bringing Adam "Pacman" Jones back to the team.
On paper, that may not be a terrible idea. Jones has shown that he can be a solid defender and a dangerous punt returner. Off the field, however, Pacman has not exactly proven himself to be a good, upstanding citizen.
He has more arrests than he does career interceptions. That's really all you need to say.
Let's take a look at the kind of trouble Jones has gotten into.
July 13, 2005
He was arrested and charged with felony vandalism after an altercation at a nightclub. Pacman doesn't waste any time making himself familiar with the nightclub scene.
I also love how press releases always say nightclub, but we all know it was a strip club. How tame was it that all he got busted for was vandalism? Grade: C-
Jones fails to check in with his probation officer and has his sentence extended for an extra 90 days.
Jones claimed that he couldn't get reception, that it always went to voicemail every time he called, that his probation officer was screening his calls, and that he totally lost his phone and actually just found it. He was ignored. Grade: D+
March 23, 2006
Pacman gets charged with marijuana possession. He then claimed that he knew how to beat the NFL's drug test system. He must have forgotten that it doesn't matter if you can beat the system if they still find all the pot in your house. Grade: B
August 25, 2006
Pacman gets arrested for disorderly conduct and public intoxication at a "nightclub." Jones claimed that a woman tried to steal his wallet, while the woman claimed that he spit in her face.
This raised serious issues about his play, as the team was worried with how he could defend wide receivers when he couldn't defend his own wallet in his back pocket. Grade: B-
October 26, 2006
Just one month later, Jones again gets in trouble for allegedly spitting in another woman's face. Note to anyone who comes across Pacman Jones: If you ever insult him, immediately cover your face afterwards. Grade: C
February 19, 2007
The grand-daddy of Pacman's charges, this was the one that got him kicked out of the league. Jones was in the middle of a fight and a shooting. Allegations were that while he was in the club, he was "making it rain" on the strippers with over $80,000 (hopefully not all in singles), and knocking strippers' heads against the bar while saying that he was going to kill one of the employees.
This was when Jones went from a "troubled young man" to a "crazy person." Roger Goodell suspended him for the entire 2007 season. Grade: A
January 3, 2008
Pacman seemed to graduate from spitting, getting accused of sucker-punching a woman in the face at the Body Tap Strip Club. Jones claimed that he just misunderstood the name of the club. Also, the rules for insulting Pacman just changed from "cover your face" to "duck and run like hell." Grade: C+
October 8, 2008
This is my favorite. Jones got drunk and started a fight with the very same bodyguards that were assigned to protect him. This ended up getting him another year-long suspension from Goodell. Grade: A+
If the Cowboys really want to bring Pacman back, they better put one giant clause in his contract about getting arrested. And ban him from strip clubs. And other "nightclubs." And bars—really any place that sells alcohol.
Actually, they would probably be better suited keeping him locked away with a Hannibal Lecter mask, only letting him out to practice and play in games.