Insane Things Sports Parents Do
Parents do the darnedest things.
Normally, parents are the ones paving the way with maturity, good sense and decorum. Then you bring sports into the mix and all hell breaks loose.
What we have here are the few examples of parents losing their minds because, well, sports.
From parents who think their child's name is the perfect way to boast their team loyalty to those who can't wait to get their sobbing progeny onto video so they can win some YouTube karma, we have you covered.
Of course, you all have the floor in the comments section to sound off on some of the more outrageous moments you recall when parents went wild because of this wonderful world of athletics.
For the moment, just sit back and thank goodness you don't have to play youth football in Texas. Don't worry because it will all make sense shortly.
Sometimes flying flags, wearing replica jerseys or painting your face just doesn't cut it. No, if you want to prove that you truly love your team, you simply have to stamp your child as if they were property of the Seattle Seahawks.
The most recent example of parents playing fast and loose with naming rights to their kids comes from a tweet via KING 5 Seattle, featuring an adorable bundle of joy named Cydnee Leigh 12th Mann.
Sorry, Cyndee, but things could have been far worse because your parents could have been Browns fans.
Not that poor Cydnee Leigh 12th Mann will be alone in her plight because there are plenty of kids who will grow up to either be the biggest fans in the world or hate the very mention of things like "Roll Tide!"
For the Win spotted a recent story about a couple who decided their last name provided the perfect opportunity to ensure their son would have quite the awkward upbringing.
Andalusia Star News has more:
KRIMSON TYDE STEELE
Summer and Steven Steele of Andalusia announce the birth of their son, Krimson Tyde Steele.
He weighed 7 pounds, 5 ounces and was 20 inches long when he made his appearance at Andalusia Regional Hospital.
Krimson already has a sympathetic crowd. AL.com's Jessica Sawyer Rigby writes that another Alabama super fan decided to name both of his children as if they were mascots.
The man's name is Shane Broadhurst, a strong and, dare we say, normal-sounding name. However, Broadhurst wants everyone to know there is nothing wrong with the family who brought us Krimson Tyde.
"I would definitely say to fulfill their fantasy. Stay Alabama fans and live every day to the fullest," said Broadhurst, father to son Crimson Tide, 2, and daughter Alliegh Bama, 5 months. "I hate that they're (the Steele family) having to go through that and hear a bunch of crap. You should be able to name your young'un what you want."
Rather than disagree, I very much look forward to having a child of my own, if only to incorporate "Kobe Magic Kirk Gibson Dodger Dog" into the name.
Friday Night Tykes
Youth football is great because the kids are so adorable at that age. It's the perfect moment to pluck them from their normally dreary after-school activities to mold them into fierce warriors who think pain is a luxury only losers feel.
At least, that's how some very scary coaches seem to think about Texas youth football.
Their story was so captivating (horrifying?) that they have their own reality TV series on Esquire, which got some coaches into a great deal of trouble.
Upon first viewing, you might think this is all some satire on overzealous parents and coaches, but that's just because there was a Funny or Die video that hits the bull's-eye when it comes to peewee football.
Unfortunately, this series is no comedy.
Recording Crying Kids
We live in an amazing age. Information can be had at a moment's notice on your smartphone, sports games can be recorded, reviewed and tweeted in a near instant, and kids can be recorded as they lose their minds adorably.
Because of the advent of video recorders some parent can now utter: "Look, Honey, you have to learn that sometimes you win some and lose some, but it's not worth letting it ruin your day. Now if you could just tilt to the side so I can get some of those tears for my Facebook post."
If you enjoy kids crying over sports, you are in luck. The Internet is filled with cute cat videos and these things. At this point, we were hoping for hoverboards, but instead we get this.
Deion Sanders Gets His Son Necessary Bedsheets
Heading into college as a freshman means a change in lifestyle. Home-cooked meals are now relegated to hot water and remaining packets of ramen.
The beds are small, the rooms are cramped and the dining commons resemble a scene from Tatooine, with food only Jabba could love passed around.
Unless, you are the son of Deion Sanders, because that means college is not without the comfort of Versace sheets as we found in this tweet from last May.
As The Dallas Morning News reported at the time, that is indeed Deion Sanders Jr. getting quite comfortable in his SMU bed.
While the rest of you were trying to figure out how many meals you have on your freshman plan, Sanders Jr. was enjoying the necessities of college life—well, necessities according to the Sanders.
Insanity can be a good thing because it forces you to consider dressing your kid in a bucket for a football game and actually going along with that seemingly ludicrous idea.
While other kids were out wearing their Peyton Manning replica jerseys, this young Broncos fan was tipping his hat (um, bucket) to McKernan who passed away in 2009.
We would like to now thank parents who were only slightly crazy enough to allow their child to deliver a huge dose of awesome this season.
ESPN: The Name
The same company that brought you such hits as Skip Bayless' ridiculousness and Chris Berman's barking can now be the impetus behind your child's name.
Apologies, but we have just one more name log to throw onto the pile.
While we highlighted a couple of recent excursions into the realm of wacky naming from parents, our favorite has to be those who decided ESPN was a good name—not for a network but rather a human being.
Back in 2004, ESPN (the company not the person) reported that ESPN McCall (the person not the network) was the third child at the time to don the name.
Well, years and several measures of lunacy later, there have been others.
More recently, Lost Letterman informed us that an LSU fan not only once proposed to his wife on ESPN's College GameDay, but he later named his child ESPN.
Let's see how long it takes "Fox Sports 1" to take off as a name.
Taking Fantasy Football to a Whole New Level
Cracked's Diana Cook compiled a fine list of overzealous sports parents back in 2010, but one story stood out from the rest.
The entire tale is your classic case of "Man buys league for his son, gets mad when his son is put on offense and fires coaches and installs a new regime."
We've heard it a million times. Right?
The Washington Post's Karin Brulliard reports Dan Hinkle plunked down $150,000 of his own money to start the ill-fated South County Youth Association.
Eventually, he sent out a peculiar missive to the coaches tasked with coaching his child. Brulliard writes:
'Scott does not sit out on defense -- ever,' Hinkle had written in an e-mail to the coaches during the pre-season. 'He goes in and stays in. That includes all practices, scrimmages and games. The entire league exists so he can play defense on the best team in his weight class. . . . He is my son, I own the league, and he plays every snap on defense.'
In the final game, Scott was moved to offense, Hinkle fired the coaches and all heck broke loose as you might imagine.
The boys refused to play without their old coaches and so the playoffs were without Scott's team. Officials then excused Hinkle as commissioner, citing the fact that "his organization had not complied with league rules, such as having an elected board and a grievance procedure."
If any coaches are bothered by parents constantly asking for playing time for their child, know that things could always be worse.
(Posted video contains NSFW language)
Of course, we have taken a look at the whimsical and lighthearted contingent of crazy. However, we couldn't have a list without a few of the multitudinous videos of parents crossing the line at sporting events.
When you mix children and parents with sports, the results aren't always funny. Unfortunately, sometimes they are crazy as the next few moments will show.
First, we have this hockey dad holding his child in his arms, deciding this would be the perfect moment to troll the other smaller kids on the ice.
CBC has a full report on this incident that took place in Feb. of 2013 in Winnipeg, Canada. The charming man who calls a player a "midget" was identified as Jason Boyd, and he likes to dish out trash talk to 15-year-old kids, but can't take one ounce of criticism the other way.
Hooray for amateur sports!
Food's for Eatin' Not for a Throwin'
WMUR-TV has this report on a 2007 Little League tournament that got well out of hand. To be more precise, it was the food that was being tossed from parents' hands.
It all went down at a tournament held at Manchester Central Little League (Manchester, N.H.), featuring umpires being belted by food.
The hope is that some come away from their Little League experience with a little class and dignity. Obviously, we are referring to the parents here.
Childhood Fun Is for the Weak
Deadspin's Samer Kalaf spotted quite the video floating around the Internet back in December, featuring a father driving alongside his son as he barks orders for him to run faster.
It's all in the name of tough love, football and the Cowboys. We can't forget about the Cowboys, but you need to run faster if you plan to play for them one day!
My own father used to suggest I take more hacks in the back with the baseball bat and I would get so annoyed. I'm sorry, father. Thank you for allowing me to sit in the car with you, rather than demand I run alongside it.
As one Deadspin commenter noted, being trained in such a harsh manner is akin to Little Mac running alongside his pudgy trainer—minus the bright colors, great music and, you know, fun.
Break for Levity
I think we all need a break right about now.
Parenting level: Shaolin monk.
We spotted this video hanging around an article by Bleacher Report's Eric Newman. Since then, we have continued to try to catch our computer screen every time the video is playing.
Beijing Cream's Anthony Tao has more on the odd and rather scary sight of a baby being tossed around like some miniature figure skater.
This little boy is identified as 15 months old, and has been, reportedly, “training” to become a Shaolin monk since he was eight months old. The video is pretty petrifying, because like any normal human being, I think, we viewers anticipate disaster even as we recoil against the possibility.
You didn't know when you woke up today that you would run straight into a video that is as polarizing and terrifying as it is adorable. (Of course, all measures of cute go to the baby with amazing balance and not the fact that he is being tossed.)
We will stick with playing hide and seek and leave the baby tossing to others.
If All Else Fails, File a Report
A score of 91-0 is certainly a blowout, but does it classify as bullying?
The Fort Worth Star-Telegram's Ryan Osborne reports on a Fort Worth Western Hills loss that ended in an unbelievable score of 91-0.
The obvious question offered in the game was what do you do when the sport doesn't have a mercy rule? Well, you usually take your shellacking and move on. For Aledo High School Coach Tim Buchanan, the only call he made was to try his best to slow the game.
Buchanan even offered, "I’m upset about it. I don’t like it. I sit there the whole third and fourth quarter and try to think how I can keep us from scoring."
One parent looked past a coach trying everything to slow the pace and saw something far more sinister, via Osborne:
Buchanan said he received notice Saturday morning that a bullying report had been filed against him by a Western Hills parent.
Under state law, school districts must provide a bullying complaint report form on their websites. Aledo High School’s principal is required to investigate the allegations to determine whether bullying occurred and prepare a written report on the matter.
And so a ridiculous outcome became fodder for so many. Instead of taking the loss and moving on, the score and the team that lost became the topic for discussion over countless websites and various news agencies.
Nothing like a bullying report to bring the spotlight on a one-sided affair.