What's bigger than the Super Bowl? Not much in America. It's on par with Christmas and moon landings, and the only things that can rival the Super Bowl are Super Bowl commercials.
Why that is we can only speculate. Either we've been conditioned to care, or there are more people watching the game who don't like football than we ever could have imagined—and they watch the game just for ads.
Nonetheless, Super Bowl commercials are overrated.
There are so many reasons from which to choose, but why waste them all this season? Here are six of the best reasons why Super Bowl commercials are overrated.
How that kid reacted to his video game console is a microcosm of the viewing public before watching Super Bowl commercials.
It seems as if they're the greatest things of all-time, like toilet paper or something—madness.
Every year the hype for Super Bowl commercials is at 10; then by the end of the game, it's at a five or six. It is almost like the kid got the system and then found out he had to work in a factory to buy himself games.
That's how FOX sees the Super Bowl.
The nation loves football, and the station knows it. According to Forbes, every 30 seconds of commercial you'll see on Sunday costs $4 million. That is not a typo.
And they say we're coming off a recession, please. Some of us—yours truly included—are just poor.
We could all invest in RVs and move to New Mexico, though.
Firstly, if that commercial made you a Go Daddy user, something's wrong.
Second and more importantly, gimmicks are cheap. Sure, the sight of a model and nerd kissing is sure to get a reaction, but it's not about your business—it's about the sound of them kissing, children hurling and old people everywhere checking their watches for 30 seconds.
If you want an appreciated commercial, at least make it a bit more highbrow and intellectual.
It's the television equivalent of CSI: Miami (gimmick) versus The Wire (art).
A company spends $4 million on a 30-second spot, so you'd think it would be for some revolutionary product that could help save lives or something—but no.
Bud Light, Doritos and Pepsi—things we buy to watch the game, not things we buy because of commercials. It seems like a waste of money in all honesty.
As for the above commercial, who goes to a friend's home and throws full bowls of Cheetos around? If you did that at certain parties, you'd get "Jazzy Jeff-ed" with the quickness, regardless of the game.
The worst part about Super Bowl Monday is going to work or school tired and having to talk to people.
If the game was good, it makes it easier. But if it wasn't, all there is to talk about is the commercials, and for a sports fan, it's torture.
We like to remember the key third downs and 4th-and-1s the game came down to, and having to know about the Kia commercial about the dog and Doritos commercial with Seth Rogen is torture.
This is especially true when you know most of the people who talk about commercials don't even watch football on the regular. It's just annoying.
Want a tip to avoid conversation? Just say you were in the bathroom during "Commercial X" and then try to get some rest. Unless, of course, you work as a pilot or train conductor.
You can justify Super Bowl commercials all you want, but they're still commercials, and nobody truly likes commercials.
From the football fan point of view, we'd rather have access to sideline talks and referee chatter than watch a Chips Ahoy! commercial—easy.
Bud Light equals beer.
Doritos equal cheese covered corn chips.
Nissan equals cars.
We get it already, so what? Just show us more football, and we'll be happy.