From a pure wrestling standpoint, Shelton Benjamin is about as good as you can get.
Given what I titled this little number, I bet that I just shocked all of you with my opening line. However, it's quite plausible for both to exist rather peacefully because in reality, they're mutually exclusive.
Wrestling—professional wrestling—is as much about the story being told as it is about the inverted neckbreakers.
While being a phenomenal wrestler with in-ring skill that borders on anal retentive flawlessness definitely helps—a point to which Bret Hart's career stands as an eternal testament—it certainly isn't necessary—a point to which Hulk Hogan's career stands as an eternal testament.
The difference between the two Hall of Fame wrestlers I just mentioned and Shelton Benjamin—a man who at any rate will at least get into the Hype Hall of Fame—is that Shelton isn't a good story teller at all.
One of the most frequent Shelton arguments is that he's never been given a gimmick worth a damn and I'll grant you he's been hit with bad ideas about as many times as Gary Busey has been beaten with the ugly stick.
Shelton's Mama, “The World's Greatest Tag Team,” and “The Gold Standard” all reek of that '60s Batman camp appeal that hasn't seen any real success since Mark Callaway debuted as The Undertaker.
The problem is that two out of those three angles really could have worked. I don't think anybody expected him to do a damn thing while being hampered by that abysmal Mama gimmick—an idea which, by the way, is on the same level of bad as Beaver Cleavage—but “World's Greatest Tag Team” isn't the cheesiest name and “The Gold Standard” really could have worked if it ever looked like Shelton gave a damn.
Honestly, if Shelton Benjamin was half as talented as his minuscule yet vocal fan base makes him out to be, he'd be able to have make the Gold Standard work.
It wouldn't be the first time a superior storyteller had made something work when—on initial glance—it seems like just the dumbest idea ever. Don't believe me? Let's take a one-sentence look at a few examples:
Hulk Hogan is the most famous wrestler of all time and his gimmick: “A real American” dressed in condiment colored tearaway clothes overcomes incredible by “hulking up” off the power of his “hulkamaniacs.” Dumb.
Bret Hart is a vicious hitman (hence the nickname)...dressed in pink spandex. Dumb.
Roddy Piper is a smacktalking Scotsman who wears a kilt and pokes people in the eye. Dumb.
Stone Cold Steve Austin is a hillbilly who drinks beer when he wins. Dumb.
Kane is a mental patient from beyond who wears a mask to hide his hideous face. Dumb, and partially plagiarized from his “brother” Undertaker.
Hell—in comparison to that lineup of gimmicks—a self absorbed megatalent who holds himself to the highest standard (hence the name, “Gold Standard”) seems pretty damn desirable. The problem is that Shelton has never...and I mean never...made it work.
At no point has he ever had a memorable title run. Sure, you could run in here and say: “Oh but Ray, WWE just won't let his feuds develop.”
You're right. The reason they stop his feuds is because nobody cares about them—there's no reason to continue in the first place.
Let's look at his recently (and mercifully) deceased United States Championship run. Shelton held the belt for the better part of a full year (240 days to be precise). During that time, he had a few lackluster feuds including a particularly brutal one with MVP. Other than that, WWE has tried him against some of the best pops on the roster including: R-Truth, Undertaker, and now John Morrison.
Shelton couldn't get over with *any * of them, and while it's one thing to say that a given wrestler couldn't make it work with a TNA castoff and a fairly new to the spotlight up and comer, it's a real condemnation when I can look a Shelton mark square in the eye and tell them he couldn't make a feud with the freaking Undertaker.
The matches were well worked—all of them actually—but the problem was the same: Shelton either can't or flat out refuses to make people give a damn about him.
To get a real handle on that, we only need to look to his most recent feud (a term I'm using with a fair amount of liberty here) with John Morrison. Heck, we only have to look to this past week's SmackDown to know what I'm talking about.
After weeks of Shelton “being aggressive,” knocking teammates around, and doing the whole “Shelton's getting mad so now he's going to shake a lot and make his eyes wide” routine, absolutely nobody gave a damn what he did in that ring.
He didn't get a heel reaction when he attacked Morrison, he got a “you need to go join Ken Anderson” reaction. He didn't get booed, or jeered, or hissed. He did, however, keep his streak of getting “dead silence” alive.
There was cheering when Morrison did anything, but Shelton got nothing. No heel reaction, no nothing.
That's the story it's always been with Shelton. R-Truth may not have my favorite gimmick on earth, but it's over—big time. The fact that Shelton still got deadpan silence when WWE tried to pair the two is about as ultimate a testament as one can get as to how bad a storyteller he is.
People like to mention Benjamin as highly underutilized, a great talent, and a future heavyweight champion—WWE Title material. I say nuts to all those notions.
The aforementioned Bret Hart was a champion and a great talent. Sure, he had the same unparalleled for his generation mat skills, but Bret Hart could weave a story like nobody else before or since.
I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person who says that if Bret Hart was wrestling a sack of hammers in the middle of the Sahara Desert, I'd find a way to see it come Hell or high water.
Shelton on the other hand...I don't think he could generate interest if he was in a match to unify the WWE and World Heavyweight Championships.
It's time to face up to the fact that Shelton Benjamin just isn't good. I am therefore, officially starting the “Shelton Benjamin for Future Endeavors” movement.
It'll work out for everybody: Shelton can go coach wrestling at some SEC school and WWE can give a push to a wrestler that anybody on this planet cares about.
I wish I was being tongue in cheek there, but sadly, I'm not. After seven years, six total title runs with various belts, and feuds involving some of wrestling's all time greats (remember, he had some matches with Flair that developed into complete bupkus too) with not a damn memorable rivalry to show for it, it's time Shelton Benjamin walked away to a different career, for his sake and ours.
His spot on the WWE roster is impeding pushes for other wrestlers. He continues to throw up lame-duck work after lame-duck work and Mike Knox and Jimmy Wang Yang get to waste away at the bottom of the card?
Granted, they're not exactly belt holding material right now either, but people give reactions for both of them which is a hell of a lot more than I can say about Shelton.
He hasn't made us care about him yet, and he probably isn't going to start—that's why he should be released. After seven years, the six title runs, and some very workable feuds—the man hasn't shown us squat.
Let's have everyone cut their losses and move on—for the sake of all of us...Shelton, WWE, and the fans who are forced to his unending run of poorly run feuds.
Shelton Benjamin: Your Next Future Endeavor for 2009.
This article for Dad, who taught me that if you're not going to do something right, you might as well not do the damn thing at all—a lesson Benjamin could use about now.
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