Press Confrence Belichick Will Never Have

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"I welcome the usual press members and the added people from the Jets beat.  We are looking forward to facing this new Jets team."

"Coach Belichick, Dan Reeves of a NY tabloid.  What do you think of Rex Ryan's comments?"

"I'm glad you brought that up, Dave,...."

"That's 'Dan' from the most read tabloid in the world."

"Of course, my mistake, sorry.  Well, Dan is it?  Dan, I was confused by it.  I'm surprised by it, but if he wants to kiss my rings, well, OK, I guess.  I mean it would do nothing for me, but who am I to judge.  If he gets some sort of sexual release from kissing them, well...  Not that I'll wear them.  I'll show him the box, and..."

"Coach, Robert Sams from the paper of record as opposed to those piddling local papers.  Um, I think you heard it wrong.  He said he does not want to kiss your rings but to try to win."

"Thanks, Robert,  May I call you Robert?"

"I prefer 'Mr. Sams'."

"OK, thank you, Mr. Sams.  You saved me from an embarrassing moment at the hand shake.  You say he was going to try to win?"

"If I remember the quote," said Mr. Sams. "He might have not said 'try.'"

"Hmm. Have to tell the camera boys to focus on him.  I've never seen anyone trying to win before.  I might try that myself.  Actually trying to win, what a novel concept."

"Are you making fun of him?" asked Dan Reeves.

"No.  I'd never speak bad of another team.  I'm actually impressed.  He saw the flaw of Eric Mangini and Herm Edwards was lack of effort.  And he said this openly for Jets fans?"

"Coach Belichick," said Dan Reeves, "You are making fun of him."

"No, I have the utmost respect for Coach Ryan.  I'm amazed he mentioned this secret to people whose job it is to tell everybody."

"Coach Belichick, Steve DeOssie with WSBK.  Do you plan on telling these self important media guys you are making fun of them?"

"No Steve, I'll let you let the cat out of the bag.  Any other questions?"

Several reports say "Coach Belichick."

"No.  OK.  Thanks guys."

Editors:  There is no tag for Rex Ryan, new Jet's coach whose quote is mangled.

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