The Buffalo Bills and X-Men: A Dream Come True

As the leader of the pack, Jauron calls the plays and does his best at protecting his team.

As Professor X, however, the Buffalo Bills' head coach does a whole lot more.

Since X is the world's most powerful telepath, the Bills can cheat like New England. But this time, they can get away with it. I smell payback.

Also, his power of mind control can come in handy. Who knows why Chad Pennington threw the ball straight into the arms of Jairus Byrd?

Schonert felt that the best place to utilize his powers would be somewhere already pretty cold. That's why he moved to Buffalo.

Next to Jauron, he feels a little jilted as far as his powers go, though. While the head coach is off reading minds, the offensive coordinator is generating freezing temperatures and manipulating ice.

Remember the Browns-Bills game from two years ago?

Just an example of when Schonert's anger gets the best of him.

Marshawn Lynch just took "Beast Mode" to a whole different level.

If you thought he was incredible before, just imagine him with superhuman strength and speed. And throw some acrobatics in there for fun.

Can you say "Whizzzz!"? That's the only sound you'll be hearing as he passes by.

Maybe there is a reason for all the talk about Lynch putting on some weight for the upcoming season...

"Poz" already has metal plates in his left arm. I'm sure having the indestructable adamantium bonded to his bones won't be too harsh of a transformation.

Right.

But imagine having Posluszny start in every game and never getting hurt. I'm sure coaches will be wondering why their offensive lines are so "offensive".

What's the best way to prove that you're fully capable of taking over Jason Peters' gig at left tackle?

Creating magnetic fields around Trent Edwards and shocking anyone who gets near him with lightening bolts, of course.

Looks like Edwards may just have all day to throw the ball. Literally.

The ladies already think that Trent Edwards's physical charm is enough. Now he has the power to hypnotize.

And cause explosions with kinetic energy.

On the field, the defense is hypnotized into thinking they must protect him. If they don't, games will resemble a Fourth of July parade.

Off the field, crowds of women will be falling all over him.

You could say he leads a pretty "charmed" life.

Number 83 has the ability to make catching "Hail Mary's" look easy.

Now he can fly.

While cornerbacks are left scratching their heads at mid-field, Evans is already celebrating in the endzone.

Finally, we come to the last piece of the puzzle.

In this year's draft, the Bills were focused on getting a pass rusher. They decided to go with Penn State's Aaron Maybin at the 11th spot in the first round.

Although he's fast, people tend to criticize his strength.

Well not anymore.

Maybin now boasts superhuman strength and a protective forcefield that generates invulnerability. He doesn't even need to breathe or eat.

I only have one word of advice for you, Tom Brady: Quit!