Welcome to the latest edition of the Onion Bag, your one-stop-shop for weird and wonderful football news.
Firstly, we head to Manchester, where an unhappy United fan decided to call 999 after his side's League Cup defeat to Sunderland because he thought that was the best way to reach Sir Alex Ferguson!
Next, we travel further north to Middlesbrough, where a hamster named Holly is proving to be a good luck charm.
Finally, it's over to Italy where Napoli have subjected Serie A to one of the most hideous kits you are likely to see.
Enjoy the show, leave a comment and follow me on Twitter