NCAA: National Cheater Aspiring Acceptance

Will MossContributor IJune 3, 2009

Let’s face it, teenage life sucks. Filled with awkward moments, always feeling out of place, and smothering yourself in acne medicine which has caused “drug-induced hepatitis.” Fun and games, right? Well imagine going through all that with only one hand where your arm ends at your elbow.

Meet Kevin Laue.

Growing up kids would ask about it and he told them it had been torn off by a shark off the Hawaii coast. During the daily songs of Y.M.C.A he laughed because his M was missing an arch. Before dinner his mom would ask to wash his hands and replied saying “That is not an option." He is the comedic genius.

This is the same guy who is getting a scholarship to Manhattan doing what he does best. Play basketball.

Averaging 10 points and five rebounds per game against lots of future Division One players.

"We take chances on kids who have poor academic histories, who have disciplinary problems both on the court and off the court," Manhattan coach Barry Rohrssen said. "We give opportunities to players who don't appreciate them, who take them for granted. For all the right reasons, Kevin deserves this chance, and he should make the most of this opportunity."

Rohrssen put it perfectly. Enough of all these “fraudulence or misconduct on an SAT exam.” I’m going to Reservoir Dogs my ear off if I hear one more thing about a coach providing lodging, transportation, restaurant meals and representation.

Basketball coaches are like cars salesmen. They pamper you, make you feel loved, and then just use you to cash in another check.

Bring in exhibit A. John Calipari. He will not only convince you Princess Peach could beat Mario in a fight but that they are real people and he was a witness to the battle. He has that rare talent of making the stars mesh together and make the bench warmer feel like a king.

The late Chuck Daly will always be the master of creating harmony using crazy personalities though. Dennis Rodman had the 'If you don't like it, kiss my ass” attitude. A man who wore a dress so he could admit he was “bisexual” and “marrying himself." That guy alone could destroy a team.

But Daly never cheated. He started off coaching at an Ivy League school and then made the jump to the NBA. Other then the controversial “Jordan Rules” his record is clean.

Coach Cal has been followed by controversy everywhere he goes. Losing a Final Four appearance at UMASS, racist comments in the NBA, and now he will have to battle to keep his last Final Four with Memphis. You might as well invite him to the VMA’s because he is looking more and more like Britney Spears.

This is why I thank god for Tom Izzo. He quietly dominates college basketball without a peep about recruiting violations. They are the Notre Dame of the old Hurricanes Irish rivalry.

Perfection without the “swagger.” Getting it done with four year players who actually want to be there.

And to the Toledo point shavers. Throwing games has not been cool since 1919. If you are going to pull old school crimes why not some old school punishments, a good old fashion stoning with yours truly leading the way.