The NFL All-Prison Team

Michael Vick forgot a very big rule: People are nuts about animals sometimes.

There have been countless athletes who have slapped a woman around and didn't garner half the backlash that Vick did.

How funny would it be if he came back to play for the Browns and had to play all his home games in the Dawg Pound?

Lynch is no stranger to getting arrested. Before his concealed weapons charges this year, he also was involved in a hit and run last year.

As a Lynch owner in fantasy football last year, I half expected the story to say that Lynch drove all the way to the police station to turn himself in, but just as he was about to walk in the door, the coach had Fred Jackson go in for him.

Plax shot himself in the leg in a nightclub with a gun that he did not legally possess when he felt the gun sliding down his sweatpants, tried to grab it, and accidentally pulled the trigger.

The lesson here: Never wear sweatpants to a nightclub.

Henry has been arrested for so many things that it's starting to get difficult to keep them all straight.

In his defense, as a Bengal he is contractually obligated to commit one crime a month. So it's not entirely his fault.

Graham was taken into custody after he got into a fight with his ex-girlfriend and reportedly damaged a bedpost in anger.

The woman eventually dropped the charges, but the bedpost is still seeking justice.

Tank Johnson had his house raided where officers found three handguns, one rifle, and two "assault weapons." I don't even want to know what the assault weapons were.

Apparently being a giant man named "Tank" wasn't intimidating enough for him.

For a guy who actually stomped on someone's head in the middle of a game, I kind of expected worse than just some misdemeanor traffic charges from a car accident.

Of course, with his new $100 million contract, he could probably buy his way out of whatever problems come his way from now on. Maybe we'll see a little more action.

Jones was arrested after his involvement in a fight outside of a strip club.

But by far the best part of the story was finding out that Pacman liked to "make it rain," where he would throw wads of money up on the air and let it rain down on the strippers.

I really have no idea how such a classy individual got into trouble with the law. No idea.

Ray Lewis was already a scary man before he was arrested on suspicion of murder. Then he became possibly the scariest man in football.

Even if he did eventually plead down to obstruction of justice and never actually served time, I don't think that eased the mind of any quarterbacks he came after.

His pregame dance alone would be enough to send me fleeing to the sidelines.

Vilma was arrested for reckless driving and nearly hitting two pedestrians. He also initially refused to get out of his car and argued with the cops.

This was strange, since Vilma was one of the rare players to come out of Miami without a record.

Janikowski was arrested for getting into a bar fight. You know how short guys have Napoleon complexes? I think Janikowski has the kicker complex.

He sees himself as a football player, not just a kicker. He's got the mindset that he is a big, bad man who is not to be messed with.

Which is sad, because in reality he's just a kicker.

On the flip side, there is Todd Sauerbrun. He got into an altercation with a cab driver. Although he's a punter, I would not want to mess with this guy.

He took steroids. He's more jacked than Ed Hochuli.

This kick returning Pro Bowler was in a fight in a nightclub when he swung at some guy who ducked, then accidentally hit the woman behind him.

That's just bad luck.

Apparently Mr. Miller is kind of a badass, though. Reports were that he was taking on four guys by himself at the time.

Not bad for a kick returner, and definitely the kind of player that is perfect to cap off the All-Prison Team.