Miami Heat Reveal Nicknames on Jerseys for Every Player on Roster

Adam FromalNational NBA Featured ColumnistJanuary 7, 2014

Twitter/ SLAM Magazine

The moment you've been waiting for is here. 

With the Miami Heat set to unveil their nickname jerseys against the surging Brooklyn Nets on Jan. 10, we now know what each uniform will read. If you want to get a jump on the bandwagon and order a custom jersey with one of these nicknames on the back, feel free to do so and make everyone else in attendance at American Airlines Arena green with envy. 

They'll stand out in the crowd of red and black, after all. 

As Ira Winderman of the South Florida Sun Sentinel writes before revealing all of the nicknames, "This will be one of the rare times when you might not be able to identify the players by the names on the back of their jerseys."

Well, not really. 

Most of them are pretty easy to guess, and you can use process of elimination to guess the few remaining holdouts. You might not know who "Doc" is right away, but I bet you'd be able to figure it out A) by looking at the size of the man wearing the uniform and B) guessing all of the names first. 

But hey, I don't want to make you work too hard. That's why I'll just go ahead and give you the answer key so you can spend all four quarters of Friday night's action watching basketball and not figuring out who's who:

  • Ray Allen: "J.Shuttlesworth"
  • Chris Andersen: "Birdman"
  • Joel Anthony: "Doc"
  • Shane Battier: "Battle"
  • Michael Beasley: "B Easy"
  • Chris Bosh: "CB"
  • Mario Chalmers: "Rio"
  • Norris Cole: "Cole Train"
  • Udonis Haslem: "UD"
  • LeBron James: "King James"
  • James Jones: "JJ"
  • Rashard Lewis: "Sweet Lew"
  • Roger Mason Jr.: "MoneyMase"
  • Greg Oden: "G.O."
  • Dwyane Wade: "D.Wade"

According to the Miami Herald's Barry Jackson, two players wanted to use different names but couldn't do so due to copyright restrictions. Chalmers wanted to be "Super Mario" and Battier "Batman," but neither name would work, hence the current selections. 

You can see some of the jerseys above, but we'll have to wait until the battle with Brooklyn for the rest to be revealed.

While those remain mired in mystery, one thing is already certain. 

The Heat might be a superb basketball team full of videobombing phenoms and athletic marvels. This game will probably show us all of those traits, but it also reveals a new one.

Miami isn't very good at the whole creative nickname thing. It's a team that wouldn't fit in with the more colorful eras of the past, ones that featured incredible nicknames like "Chocolate Thunder," "Dr. J," "Kangaroo Kid" and "The Round Mound of Rebound."

But c'est la vie.

At least they aren't sleeved jerseys.