Tim Tebow and the Magic Ticket (Humor)

DScotCorrespondent IJune 2, 2009

Much has been made about the recent appearance of Florida Gator quarterback Tim Tebow sitting courtside in Orlando during Game Six of the Eastern Conference Finals between the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Orlando Magic.

Wary of any appearance of impropriety, Florida quickly announced that it was Tebow’s mother who had bought the premium seats for her son.

Missionary work must pay well. There must be a myriad of reasons as to why Mrs. Tebow felt compelled to shell out as much as $14,000 for little Timmy to see a basketball game.

Here are my 10 best guesses as to why:

  1. He just wanted to remind Hedo Turkoglu that the Crusades aren’t over until Tim Tebow says they are over.
  2. He came to convince Orlando Magic owner Rich DeVos to change his team’s nickname since it refers to witchcraft, and is therefore unGodly. Best suggestion? The Orlando Tebows.
  3. He wanted to take a break from standing atop Corcovado in Rio De Janeiro to come see Brazilian countryman Anderson Varejao.
  4. With a series consisting of men from countries like France, Brazil, Turkey, Lithuania, and Serbia, there has to be somebody in need of a good circumcision.
  5. Insert own mistakenly-witnessing-to Ron Jeremy look-alike Stan Van Gundy joke here.
  6. He made deal with Orlando Magic Dancers: If he would attend one game to see them, then they would quit calling him at all hours of the night, as well as trying to sneak into his bed.
  7. He desperately wants a one-on-one rematch with Lebron. After besting James 21-2, he is still claiming that Lebron did not take the ball out before he scored his only bucket. The man is a competitor.
  8. He wanted to settle with Dwight Howard once and for all who rightfully deserves the “Superman” nickname.
  9. Jamar Nelson is supposed to be done for the year. Tebow shows up, and now it is probable that he will play in the NBA Finals...Hmm...I’m not saying, I’m just saying.
  10. He sought valuable advice from J.J. Redick about how to parlay a skill set suited primarily for the college game into a long career of bench warming.