As young men who are paid more money than they know what to do with to kick a ball around a field, professional footballers need to find something to spend their considerable disposable income on.
Inevitably, they spend it on fast cars, and to separate themselves form the nouveau riche pack, they customise them.
Here are the flashiest cars owned by world football stars. Unsurprisingly, David James and his Reliant Robin do not feature...
Samuel Eto'o has always insisted on being paid as much as possible—he was the world's best-paid player while at Anzhi Makhachkala—which means he can afford an incredible fleet of supercars.
According to the Daily Mail, the Cameroonian owns a Maybach Xenatec Coupe, a Bugatti Veyron and a Aston Martin V12 Zagato.
His prized motor, however, is surely his rarer-than-unicorn-poop Aston Martin One-77. If you are lucky enough to find one, it will set you back £1.25 million.
Lionel Messi isn't known for being particularly ostentatious, but he certainly drives a car worthy of the best player in the world.
The Argentinean owns a Maserati GranTurismo MC Stradale, a limited-edition version of the Italian marque's vaunted V8 GT car.
As a man who clearly likes the finer things in life, Cristiano Ronaldo has owned virtually every kind of supercar under the sun.
One of the most beautiful machines currently tucked away in his Madrid garage is the stunning Batman-esque matte black Lamborghini Aventador LP 700-4, whose V12 engine and 700 horses make it more powerful and dangerous than most of its peers—which is a fitting description for something belonging to the Portuguese talisman.
Mario Balotelli loves a flashy motor, a fact he proved at Manchester City by wrapping his Bentley in gauche camouflage decals.
Now back in Italy with Milan, Super Mario drives an Italian stallion, the Ferrari F12berlinetta.
The conspicuous supercar boasts a 6.3l V12 that generates 730 horsepower, capable of reaching 60 mph in 3.1 seconds. Which will make it rather hard for the paparazzi to chase him on the Autostrada.
If you score the winning goal in a World Cup final, you probably deserve to treat yourself to one of the most coveted cars on the planet.
Bugatti's parent company Volkswagen lose money on every Bugatti Veyron they produce, but it still would have cost the Barcelona star around €2 million to pick up the keys for this Super Sport version.
The Veyron Super Sport, with its ridiculous W16 engine and 1,200bhp, is currently the fastest road legal car you can buy, with a top speed of 268mph.
Djibril Cisse is a man who likes people to notice him, which is why he made an appearance on MTV's Pimp My Ride.
In the episode, they turn a dilapidated old Dodge RAM van that Cisse would probably never drive into a colourful and tech-laden Dodge RAM van that Cisse would probably never drive.
Stoke midfielder Stephen Ireland has owned plenty of disgustingly gauche customised cars over the years—most notably this Range Rover—but one of his more tasteful efforts was his Audi R8.
When he first bought it, the paint job featured red detailing, but his status as a Manchester City player required a respray.
It is only fitting that The Mighty Zlatan Ibrahimovic has a Mighty Collection of Cars.
The jewel in the Paris Saint-Germain striker's automotive crown is surely his Ferrari Enzo, the stunning V12 Formula One-inspired mid-engined supercar that will typically cost more than €1 million.
You will notice that the Enzo has a very large and pointy nose on the front, which is just like...never mind.
Tim Sherwood's striker de rigueur Emmanuel Adebayor has a large fleet of luxury vehicles, including a Mercedes G-Class, a Bentley, a Porsche Carrera and a polar-bear-friendly Fisker Karma.
However, his nicest motor is probably an Aston Martin DBS Volante, the convertible version of the British marque's highly celebrated V12 sports car.
Due to the sheer size of his collection, Djibril Cisse earns more than one spot on this list. Here, you can see his Rolls-Royce Ghost getting a custom makeover.
The two-tone colour scheme is actually a factory option on the V12 luxury saloon that is hand-built in West Sussex.
While at Swansea, Dutch midfielder Kemy Agustien boasted a Mercedes C63 AMG wrapped in the orange of his home nation. However, he later changed it to a striking baby blue colour.
In April, the Brighton star was banned from driving after picking up a stupendous 39 penalty points, so he better hope the blue hue makes him drive more slowly.
As you will probably know, El Hadji Diouf is a quiet and introverted footballer, who doesn't like to draw attention to himself on the field.
For this reason, he drives a very subtle Cadillac Escalade, a car that is twice as big as anything else on UK roads and which has been sprayed a tasteful golden hue.
Jermaine Pennant once left a Porsche abandoned in a Spanish train station because he "forgot he owned it," so it is safe to say the Stoke midfielder has a fairly blase attitude towards luxury vehicles.
The most ostentatious car in his collection is surely his Aston Martin DB9, which has wrapped in a dazzling shiny chrome.
Manchester Utd's Patrice Evra is one of several footballers to own a Mercedes SLS AMG, the beautiful successor to the classic 300SL.
As a display of loyalty to the Red Devils, the Frenchman has had his SLS customised in a black and red colour scheme.
Another noted SLS owner is Scott Sinclair, who also has a slick custom paint job.
Evra's Portuguese teammate Nani drives to work in a Lamborghini Gallardo LP 550-2 Balboni.
This limited-edition version of Lambo's most popular car is named after their test driver Valentino Balboni. It can reach speeds of up to 199mph and can hit 62mph in just 3.9 seconds.
The Special One drives a very special car: the Ferrari 612 Scaglietti (which is not a 599, as it it labelled in the video above).
Jose Mourinho's fastback coupe is a purchase made with his family in mind—unlike most cars of this nature, it's two rear seats are actually comfortable for humans to use.
When Carlos Tevez decided to return from his unauthorised mid-season sojourn to Argentina in 2012, he did so in a Hummer H2.
The gigantic American truck, based on a military vehicle, is powered by a 6-litre V8 engine and will deliver roughly 10mpg. Which is why they don't make them anymore.
Moneybags Samuel Eto'o deserves a second spot on this list for his aforementioned choice of a Maybach Xenatec Coupe, a discerning alternative to a Rolls-Royce or Bentley.
In fact, Maybachs are so exclusive that parent company Daimler shut them down in 2013 because so few people bought them. But with a price tag starting at around £600,000, a Xenatec is a serious statement of wealth.
For many years, the Range Rover Sport has been the most popular car among Premier League footballers. In fact, the luxury 4x4 now has a tainted reputation among its target demographic because so many professional players drive them.
The true mark of a well-remunerated sportsman in the UK, however, is a Rangie that has been customised by Overfinch.
The British modification specialists are renowned for heavily customising the Range Rover Sport, often adding personalised details for players including John Terry, Wayne Rooney and Steven Gerrard. Their services can cost upwards of £200,000 (not including the original car itself).
The car in the video above belongs to Chicharito and is one of many that you may find parked up at Manchester Utd's Carrington training ground.
William Gallas might not have been the speediest player in the world while he was at Arsenal, but the defender was one of the speediest on the road thanks to his Mercedes SLR McLaren.
The Frenchman was famous for having a completely chrome version of the Surrey-built V8 roadster.