The Worst Jobs in College Football

Sure, the players love having 384 different combinations of game day gear, but how would you like to be in charge of keeping track of all of them?

Say, for instance, the team decides they want to wear the yellow shoes with black pants and green jerseys.

Inevitably, the intern is going to pack the black shoes with green pants and yellow jerseys.

No more hideous, I'll grant you.

But good luck sleeping at night with that on your conscience.

"Hey Doc, have I ever told you what Touchdown Jesus and I..."

"Dr. Lou, please hold still. I'm trying to clean your back teeth. There will be plenty of time to chat once you wash and rinse."

"Wasth and rinsthe?!"

"Dahw! Coach, you spit fluoride in my eye!"

By most accounts, Mike Gundy is actually one of the most disarming and personable coaches in college football and genuinely regrets the "I'm a man! I'm 40!" rant.

That being said, those covering the Cowpokes deserve some hazard pay.

They're one column away from sparking the next YouTube sensation.

Jerry Maguire's goldfish wouldn't represent this guy.

44 years on the job -- all with one team -- and he's just now becoming a "millionaire," with a salary of $1.03 million in 2008?!?

Scott Boras would have a conniption.

Where there's smoke, there's fire.

And from Reggie Bush to O.J. Mayo and Tim Floyd, the USC athletic department has produced more smog than LA traffic.

When the noose tightens, someone has to take the fall...and it's not going to be Pete Carroll, I assure you.

No, it's not what you're thinking.

No fat jokes about Charlie here.

However, Notre Dame's players consistently arrive on campus as highly rated recruits only to get overpowered and outrun by the likes of Syracuse.

Many then go on to thrive in the NFL. (Ryan Grant, anyone?)

So, what happens in between?

Tough to blame it all on the strength and conditioning staff, but you'd have to drive up to Wrigley to find a franchise that's done less with more.

6'5" and 365 lbs. on a celery diet.

If Alabama's senior defensive tackle beats you to the buffet, you're eating garnish.

Let's face it, only his quarterbacks get tossed around and abused more frequently than that brim.

At least when the Ole Ball Coach throws the signal callers under the bus, they've still got a chance to get lucky with a sorority Game chick.

A picture says a thousand words, so I'll keep this one brief.

USC's sweater-clad Yell Leaders think this job is embarrassing.

If you've ever spent time in the Hawkeye state, you know how important Iowa football is to that population.

And, furthermore, cops tend to be among the biggest sports fans.

So, how'd you like to be the one who had to arrest the head coach's son, center James Ferentz, on underage drinking charges...for a second time?

"Ugh, coach? Sorry to interrupt. I know it's game week. But...ugh...well. We've got your boy down here in the drunk tank."

LSU and USC in the title game.

Boise State and West Virginia in the Fiesta Bowl.

Most recently, Florida got 'em in the national championship.

When all is said and done, that's a five-game BCS bowl losing streak.

For OU fans, sooner or later a cruise along the Somali coast will sound like a more worthwhile holiday vacation.

Yeah...good luck with that, kid.

It's only going to take four years, a small handful of national championships, and a couple Heisman Trophies.

While you're at it, feel free to give an enshrined speech like the one outside your football facility.

And whenever you're ready, here's the scalpel for that circumcision.