The Worst Jobs in College Football

This side of the BCS, there isn't much to complain about in college football.

If you're fortunate enough to be employed by, involved, or associated with the game...life doesn't get much better.

College football is one of the most popular, fastest growing sports in America. In turn, it generates massive revenues that can support entire university athletic budgets while filling the coffers at ESPN, FOX, CBS, and maybe even Versus.

Not to mention it's chock-full of young, educated, and good-looking people.

So, while you'd have to be related to Bill Callahan to turn down a job on the college grids, I believe I've found a few gigs in the sport that you couldn't pay me enough to sign up for.

Oregon's Equipment Manager

Sure, the players love having 384 different combinations of game day gear, but how would you like to be in charge of keeping track of all of them?

Say, for instance, the team decides they want to wear the yellow shoes with black pants and green jerseys.

Inevitably, the intern is going to pack the black shoes with green pants and yellow jerseys.

No more hideous, I'll grant you.

But good luck sleeping at night with that on your conscience.

Lou Holtz's Dentist

"Hey Doc, have I ever told you what Touchdown Jesus and I..."

"Dr. Lou, please hold still. I'm trying to clean your back teeth. There will be plenty of time to chat once you wash and rinse."

"Wasth and rinsthe?!"

"Dahw! Coach, you spit fluoride in my eye!"

Oklahoma State's Beat Writer

By most accounts, Mike Gundy is actually one of the most disarming and personable coaches in college football and genuinely regrets the "I'm a man! I'm 40!" rant.

That being said, those covering the Cowpokes deserve some hazard pay.

They're one column away from sparking the next YouTube sensation.

Joe Paterno's Agent

Jerry Maguire's goldfish wouldn't represent this guy.

44 years on the job -- all with one team -- and he's just now becoming a "millionaire," with a salary of $1.03 million in 2008?!?

Scott Boras would have a conniption.

USC's Compliance Officer

Where there's smoke, there's fire.

And from Reggie Bush to O.J. Mayo and Tim Floyd, the USC athletic department has produced more smog than LA traffic.

When the noose tightens, someone has to take the fall...and it's not going to be Pete Carroll, I assure you.

Notre Dame's Strength and Conditioning Coordinator

No, it's not what you're thinking.

No fat jokes about Charlie here.

However, Notre Dame's players consistently arrive on campus as highly rated recruits only to get overpowered and outrun by the likes of Syracuse.

Many then go on to thrive in the NFL. (Ryan Grant, anyone?)

So, what happens in between?

Tough to blame it all on the strength and conditioning staff, but you'd have to drive up to Wrigley to find a franchise that's done less with more.

Whoever's Behind Terrence Cody at the Training Table

6'5" and 365 lbs. on a celery diet.

If Alabama's senior defensive tackle beats you to the buffet, you're eating garnish.

Steve Spurrier's Visor

Let's face it, only his quarterbacks get tossed around and abused more frequently than that brim.

At least when the Ole Ball Coach throws the signal callers under the bus, they've still got a chance to get lucky with a sorority Game chick.

Texas Tech's Bell-Ringer

A picture says a thousand words, so I'll keep this one brief.

USC's sweater-clad Yell Leaders think this job is embarrassing.

Iowa City Police Officer

If you've ever spent time in the Hawkeye state, you know how important Iowa football is to that population.

And, furthermore, cops tend to be among the biggest sports fans.

So, how'd you like to be the one who had to arrest the head coach's son, center James Ferentz, on underage drinking charges...for a second time?

"Ugh, coach? Sorry to interrupt. I know it's game week. But...ugh...well. We've got your boy down here in the drunk tank."

Oklahoma's BCS Travel Agent

LSU and USC in the title game.

Boise State and West Virginia in the Fiesta Bowl.

Most recently, Florida got 'em in the national championship.

When all is said and done, that's a five-game BCS bowl losing streak.

For OU fans, sooner or later a cruise along the Somali coast will sound like a more worthwhile holiday vacation.

Tim Tebow's Successor

Yeah...good luck with that, kid.

It's only going to take four years, a small handful of national championships, and a couple Heisman Trophies.

While you're at it, feel free to give an enshrined speech like the one outside your football facility.

And whenever you're ready, here's the scalpel for that circumcision.