WNBA Uniform Ads: 20 Team Sponsor Ideas for America's Major Pro Leagues

It was just announced today that the Phoenix Mercury will become the first WNBA team to put a sponsor on their jersey. Next season their logo will be replaced by "LifeLock."

I know what you're thinking: "The WNBA is still going on?" Yes, and they are getting ahead of the game in America. International teams have been taking this sponsor approach for years.

With the economy the way it is now, I wouldn't be surprised if other teams started doing this. If they do, I have some suggestions for a number of teams out there.

New York Giants: Smith & Wesson

NFL players love firearms. Smith & Wesson can take advantage of this by advertising on uniforms.

What better team than that of the most famous gun-toting athlete in sports today?

S&W better hurry up—I hear Glock is already working on a deal.

New England Patriots: Sony

When you are videotaping other teams, you want the quality to be as good as possible for when you review it later. That's why the Patriots should look to Sony.

The advertising money would probably pay for all the fines they would rack up.

Detroit Lions: General Motors

Both Detroit-based organizations hit a low point this past year. Maybe if they team up they'll have a better chance at rebounding this year.

Green Bay Packers: Velveeta

Those Wisconsinites love their cheese almost as much as they love their football. For a sport that has more 300-pounders than a third Nutty Professor movie, they should be sponsored by the most unhealthy cheese I can think of.

Atlanta Falcons: Kibbles and Bits

I think it would be a nice gesture on behalf of the Falcons to show some support to the canine kind.

Of course, it automatically becomes funnier for whatever team ends up signing Michael Vick to take on this sponsor.

Maybe we should wait on this...

Buffalo Bills: Mack's Ear Plugs

The Bills' newest weapon is not exactly known for his—let's just say—discretion. While he may be a huge pickup on the field, they could probably use some free ear plugs for whenever T.O. does interviews.

Miami Dolphins: Dom Perignon

The Patriots showed two years ago just how difficult it is to go undefeated for an entire season—which means that the 1972 Dolphins are going to be buying plenty of champagne in the future. It would be nice if they could get a discount through their new sponsor.

Oakland Raiders: Depends

The Raiders have a very special senior citizen on staff who seems to have started losing control of his mind. His bowels won't be too far behind. Time to get some free adult diapers out of the equation!

San Francisco 49ers: Hanes

Speaking of Bay Area teams and underwear...

The next time Mike Singletary decides to drop trou to fire up his team, he'll be doing it in officially sponsored boxers from Hanes.

Minnesota Vikings: Wrangler Jeans

If the Vikings really want to entice Brett Favre to come play for them, they should get Wrangler on the phone immediately.

The quickest way to most men's hearts is through their stomach. The way to Favre's is through his jeans.

Cleveland Cavaliers: Tums

I think the entire franchise is a little sick to its stomach after this last disappointment. Tums should help them get through it...at least until LeBron leaves for New York.

Then they might need to be sponsored by Jack Daniels.

Boston Celtics: Advil

No team came into the playoffs more banged up than the Celtics. Then they had to play two grueling seven-game series. By the end of it, they definitely needed some painkillers.

Boston fans could use some too after getting headaches from the glare coming off of Brian Scalabrine.

Chicago Bulls: Revolutionary Prep

With new allegations that Rose cheated on his SATs, Chicago could use some help from this SAT preparation company. Rose is still only 20, so it's not too late for him to study and get a respectable score.

I'm just kidding—you don't actually have to know academics if you're an NBA star. Rose could be illiterate, and we wouldn't care because he can put the ball in the basket.

Orlando Magic: Costume Discounters

Dwight Howard is a big guy, and custom-made costumes are not cheap. If he is going to be donning a Superman outfit many more times, the Magic should hook him up with a deal from their newest sponsor.

Los Angeles Lakers: Barnes and Noble

The Lakers are in the NBA Finals for the second straight year. It is also the 7,348th time that Phil Jackson has been to the Finals as a coach.

Why does Phil have so much success? He gives players assigned reading at the beginning of each season.

No need for Phil to be coughing up all that dough out of his own pocket. Get sponsored, and you can afford to get the players the Cliff's Notes versions of all the books too, because you know that's what they end up reading anyway.

New York Yankees: Philip Morris

The Yankees are the Big Tobacco of the sports world. Widely considered to be "the bad guys," they also have a history of throwing money at problems to make it go away.

These two organizations could probably share some fun stories.

Philadelphia Phillies: Energizer Batteries

When Philly fans decide to throw batteries at a player again, the team wants to make sure that they have the longest-lasting batteries to show their displeasure with.

Only the best for Phillies fans.

Pittsburgh Pirates: Captain Morgan

The Pirates could use a boost in popularity. Maybe some "Got a little Captain in you?" commercials starring Pittsburgh players could get them into the spotlight more.

With the state of the franchise (no winning record since 1992), I think the fans wouldn't mind a little rum at the games. Or a lot of rum.

Texas Rangers: Chuck Norris

But Chuck Norris isn't a company, you'll say.

Chuck Norris can sponsor whoever he wants.

You're telling me it wouldn't be awesome if the team got renamed the Walker Texas Rangers?

I would root for that team.

Los Angeles Dodgers: BALCO

If the Dodgers want Manny to stay on the field, maybe they can strike up a deal with BALCO. Sure, Manny will get caught eventually, but BALCO is good at making sure players get caught only after their career is essentially over.

L.A. will have at least five more good Manny years (with a little help from BALCO) before he gets chased out of baseball like Bonds did.