Someone should explain the complexity of the human condition to Santa Claus. Rarely does anything fall neatly onto one side of good or evil, or as the alliteration-affixed fellow calls it, naughty or nice.
After all, Kris Kringle breaks and enters into countless houses with blatant disregard for trespassing laws. Yet we overlook his unabashed rule-bending since he provides a greater service for the public. By his firm labels of naughty or nice, wouldn't Saint Nick have to place himself in the former category for his crimes?
As many TV antiheroes of the Golden Age have taught us, it's usually far more complicated. There's good and bad lurking inside all of us, so a new system is in order. The next step for sabermetrics is to develop a BABIP, FIP and WAR equivalent to determine if Little Timmy gets a candy cane or coal.
But it's Christmas, so let's play along.
In order to fully immerse everyone in the holiday spirit, I'll now stand on a pedestal and decipher who has been good and bad this year. Crack open the eggnog, sneak away from the family's uncomfortable conversations and enjoy.