Mr. Garros' Opus: Who Is the Star This Time?

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Mr. Garros' Opus: Who Is the Star This Time?
(Photo by Clive Brunskill/Getty Images)

Somewhere in Paris, a muscular yet dejected-looking Spanish actor in a bright pink and navy blue costume sits outside of a theater. From behind comes a dark-haired Swiss performer in light blue garb.

Swiss: You gonna be okay?

Spaniard: I canna believe Mr. Garros had my character killed off before de final act.

Swiss: I know.

It shocked the rest of the cast. We’re all wondering if we’re going to be the star, and at the same time wondering if we’ll be the next ones killed off. We all assumed that the fall of the Serb the day before was going to be Mr. Garros’ plot twist for Roland Garros 2009.

Nobody saw this coming. Hell, I think even the Swede is pretty surprised that he got to be the one.

Spaniard: I tought Mr. Garros wanna to see you and me inna final act, because you and me, we’ve done our best work together.

Swiss: Well, I’m not sure about that…the finale of RG 2008 pretty much turned into your monologue.

Spaniard: But we have chemistry. A conclusion with a you and me, dat’s what de teater-goers wanna see.

Maybe I don’t win in dis final act, maybe it’s you instead, I’m okay with dat. But De Swede? In only Act Four?

Not cool, though maybe you go out as de star dis time.

Swiss: It could be.

It kind of makes sense, that maybe all those times Mr. Garros cast me as your antagonist to overcome in the final round, he was just building anticipation for this year’s event when I finally get the honors.

I don’t know…this is why I wish he’d let us see the scripts before the play finished. Well, look on the bright side...at least you didn’t injure your knee doing stunts this time.

Spaniard: Aye, mi rodilla.

Swiss: Well, at least no more injured than it usually is.

Mr. Garros is a tough director to predict, you know. When he helmed RG 1984, it looked like he had scripted The American Brat to come of age as the hero, and instead it’s Tough, Dedicated Czech finally breaking through.

Or in RG 2004, we thought it was going to The Argentine, but instead The Other Argentine stole the show.

Who knows what he has in mind here?

Spaniard: Aye, nothing to do but rehearse for Wimbledon 2009. I thinking I like De Queen’s directorial style more dan Mr. Garros’ anyway.

Swiss: You know, it’s possible that they were working together on this. I’m almost positive they scripted last year’s embarrassing performance for me in Paris just to heighten anticipation for last year’s Wimbledon installment.

That was her payment for all the anticipation the Roland Garros Saga has gotten in the past few years.

Spaniard: Aye, el futuro…

Swiss: Also, back in 2002, The Queen scripted The American Pistol to die early, all so Mr. Armstrong could stage a glorious resurrection later that year. Those are all scenarios they might be dreaming up, or maybe Mr. Garros plans to make it up to you next year.

All I’m saying is that the plot takes a long time to uncover. We don’t know what the story’s going to be until the play is over, or sometimes until the sequel comes out.

Spaniard: Si, I see. Gracias, mi amigo, and I hope you are the star dis time. I told you when Mr. Laver brought de curtain down on Australian Open 2009 that you’re gonna win even more awards dan De Pistol, and dis is your chance.

Be careful, don’t let Mr. Garros' plot twists surprise you.

Swiss: Thanks, man. I hope we get to appear on stage together many more times.

Spaniard: And I hope you kill the Swede in the finale if you see him.

He really is a…how do you say?…prima donna.

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