"I can achieve the ambitions of winning trophies here," he said, in a change to the tune he was whistling last season.
Through my network of moles and illicit made-up sources, I have managed to obtain a 100 percent authentic fake copy of Suarez's new contract extension document.
Read on for bona fide forged excerpts from his new terms and conditions...
Here's a snippet from the opening page of the document.
I bet you didn't know Suarez has his own acronyms for his performance techniques.
From next season, we may enjoy the famous chants and atmosphere of "The Luis."
It looks like Melwood is undergoing some transformations...