B/R Exclusive: Luis Suarez's New and Fictional Liverpool Contract Leaked!

Ryan BaileyFeatured ColumnistDecember 20, 2013

B/R Exclusive: Luis Suarez's New and Fictional Liverpool Contract Leaked!

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    Paul Gilham/Getty Images/BR Composition

    After several months of speculation over his future, Liverpool's Luis Suarez has finally signed a contract extension that will keep him at Anfield until 2018, according to The Guardian's Andy Hunter.

    "I can achieve the ambitions of winning trophies here," he said, in a change to the tune he was whistling last season. 

    Through my network of moles and illicit made-up sources, I have managed to obtain a 100 percent authentic fake copy of Suarez's new contract extension document.

    Read on for bona fide forged excerpts from his new terms and conditions... 

Buyout Banality

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    @RyanJayBailey

    Here's a snippet from the opening page of the document. 

Playmaking Prerequisites

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    @RyanJayBailey

    I bet you didn't know Suarez has his own acronyms for his performance techniques.

Statue Statutes

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    @RyanJayBailey

    From next season, we may enjoy the famous chants and atmosphere of "The Luis." 

Training-Ground Terms

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    @RyanJayBailey

    It looks like Melwood is undergoing some transformations... 

Press Preconditions

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    @RyanJayBailey

    We all know Suarez has a love-hate relationship with the media. 

Compensation Clauses

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    @RyanJayBailey

    An FSF Player of the Year Award and an £80,000 weekly pay raise? Not a bad few days for the Uruguayan. 

     

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