Though not every player is born on an even platform in terms of footballing ability, hair is one area in which every star is equal.
It just so happens that with the celebrity life style of a footballer also comes the immense pressure to look the part, lest one fall under the scrutiny of their peers. And there will be scrutiny.
We've delved into the profiles of the world's finest, glancing at the good, the bad and the downright ugly, but ultimately emerging with a crop of the dandiest 'dos on the planet.
Prepare yourself for 10 slides celebrating the increasingly common "man-love," with no restraint shown in the adoration of your fellow male's mop.
Stephan El Shaarawy
Since rising to Milan seniority in 2011, Stephan El Shaarawy's rising star has also coincided with his acquisition of serious plaudits in the hair department.
Usually, I'm not a fan of styles that appear to need quite so much maintenance as the Italian's does, but the faded sides look pretty slick when stacked against the high-rise slant that's perched above, patterns often etched in for good effect.
And joining El Shaarawy at the San Siro in the new year will be Keisuke Honda, not so long ago confirmed as a free transfer for the Rossoneri, bringing some additional salon know-how to the club.
For years, the Japanese international has sported a simple-but-effective peroxide-blond dye job. Man, I bet he doesn't even need styling gel for that thing.
It's no surprise that the current Spanish squad just so happens to have seen its dominant stride of the past six years coincide with an astounding cast of stars blessed in the follicle department.
Flying the flag at Manchester City is David Silva, whose hair is so silky that it looks like it hasn't changed a bit since he was 12 years of age.
L'Oreal would be fortunate to have the midfielder as part of their advertising crowd, not as a sponsor, but perhaps something that the scientists making their product might aspire to improve upon.
Like the aforementioned Silva, Diego's innocent 'do wouldn't look out of place were it placed upon the body of a schoolboy.
Having said that, the dashing beard is another matter altogether, but the combination works to good effect all the same.
It remains a mystery as to what sort of organic extract or natural conditioner the Brazilian uses to come out with such a blessed barnet, but some of us could do with getting in on the secret.
And now some of us begin to rue the day we weren't brought up in Brazil, where it appears everyone just happens to grow up with god-like natural hair that doesn't frizz or curl with so much as a mention of the sun.
Alexandre Pato is just another samba sensation who benefits from having come from the South American nation.
Now with Corinthians, the former Milan starlet is sharing his enviable mop with the Brasileiro Serie A, as opposed to its Italian counterpart.
Not too short, but long enough to appear untamed, and with the slightest hint that he puts some thought into it, if Pato's got 99 problems, his mop certainly isn't one.
So, from those who look as though they couldn't care less to a man who isn't fooling anyone when it comes to how much he cares about his appearance.
Lorenzo Insigne is clearly a man obsessed with the aesthetic side of things. Both on the pitch and off of it, everything is flash with the 22-year-old winger, and it comes across in his hair.
Here, the short-back-and-sides has taken on quite a technical spin, with Insigne doing away with his blond highlights thus far in the campaign but still pulling off quite a glamorous trim nonetheless.
"Did I leave my wax in the car?"
Considering the German international has some of the fastest-rising stock in the world, Marco Reus understands that image is everything, and he's got that side of things under control, too.
The Borussia Dortmund star is as recognisable for his trademark side-swept blond hair as he is his electric pace and prowess in front of goal.
Whether it's at Signal Iduna Park or under Joachim Low's command, it also takes quite a tremor to knock this particular quiff out of place.
God? Is that you?
No, it's the regal crown of one Edinson Cavani, who would once again look to prove that South America is home to some of the most gifted hair in all of sport.
The sunny climate in Uruguay certainly seems to nourish one's growth exponentially, with the Paris Saint-Germain striker having showcased a mane of glorious locks since his days with Danubio.
The parable of Samson referred to man possessing God-like strength, which would disappear were his long, thick hair to be cut. We're almost certain a trim would have the same effect on Cavani.
Going against all odds, Gael Bigirimana appears to have combined several hairstyles into one since way back in his Coventry City days, a tactic that should go down as a disaster, yet it somehow works in his favour.
It's not quite a fade, a mohawk or even an afro, but a menage a trois of the three is blended superbly atop the Newcastle United midfielder's head.
The 20-year-old has only made three Premier League starts since moving to the Northeast in 2012, but at least he's the belle of the ball at St. James' Park.
We apologise for not being able to supply you with an English-speaking video of Bruno Cortes, but one doesn't need their ears to appreciate what a privilege it would be to have mini dreadlocks like that.
The Sao Paulo defender is a prominent member of the Brazilian outfit and sticks out even more in the dressing room for his visual features more than anything else.
It's okay, we can all admit it without feeling monstrously insecure about our own appearances: Sergio Ramos is a good-looking man.
The gem of the Real Madrid defence is not only on course to become the most capped player in the history of the Spanish national team, but he has always maintained some sort of enviable hairstyle throughout his career.
Right now, the 27-year-old is going through his perfectly-quaffed-with-the-slightest-hint-of-blond-highlights phase.
We're not jealous.
As we all know, however, age comes before beauty, and what Ramos might boast in current edginess and contemporary fashion, Andrea Pirlo makes up for in the classical department, having sported the same look for pretty much his entire career.
The shoulder-length curls have become the 21st century icon of "man-love" in football, many an aged man gushing over the midfielder's elite passing ability, while always disguising a secret envy of the veteran's brunette mane.
As an added bonus, the 34-year-old has thrown a rugged beard into the mix over the last couple of seasons, which automatically adds a few thousand man points onto the scale.
Strongly resembling one leading male character from modern film and television culture is fortunate. Resembling two is just plain greedy.
But alas, Pablo Osvaldo is a lucky man, and if you ever find a kid's party or special event in need of the Pirates of the Caribbean's Jack Sparrow or Khal Drogo from Game of Thrones mythology, you know where to look.
The Southampton striker's roots are again in Serie A, the Italian top flight proving itself to be something of a catwalk for the world's best hairstyles, but St. Mary's is an unlikely location of football's finest hair these days.
Movie actor-esque when let down at shoulder length or practical when tied up in a bun on matchday, Osvaldo's hair knows many shapes and sizes.