Christmas Cards for Every Premier League Team

Ryan BaileyFeatured ColumnistDecember 22, 2013

Christmas Cards for Every Premier League Team

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    Aside from enduring a crowded fixture list and sending their players out to nightclubs in fancy dress, Premier League clubs often spend the holiday season sending festive greetings to their members and fans via official club Christmas cards.

    Sadly, the league did not commission me to fire up Photoshop and design cards for each of the English top flight teams, but I went ahead and did it anyway.

    So, switch off the Only Fools and Horses repeat, grab a glass of mulled wine and take a look at our Christmas card list.

    Seasons greetings from B/R Football! 

     

Arsenal

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    Olivier Giroud typically insists on being naked in publicity photos, but for the sake of the children he's in a France strip with Mariah. 

Aston Villa

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    RuDelph the red-nosed central midfielder offers you season's greetings from Birmingham.

    (Sadly, this is not the last Rudolph reference shoehorned into this Christmas card list.)

Cardiff

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    Cardiff owner Vincent "Ebenezer" Tan is determined to steal Christmas (and the rest of the season) by hanging a P45 over his employee Bob Cratchit Malky MacKay and refusing to spend any money in the window. 

    The Bluebirds' current plight is worthy of Dickens. 

Chelsea

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    Will Juan Mata's Christmas wish come true, or will he be sent on a fun adventure in January? 

Crystal Palace

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    As someone who had a season ticket at Selhurst Park for many years, I can attest to this being one of the most picturesque vistas near the ground. 

     

Everton

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    Kevin Mirallas was determined to tell the little girl he's actually Richard Attenborough. 

Fulham

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    As Fulham look to spend the holidays in or around the relegation zone, the club are quick to blame their old Grinch of a manager. 

Hull

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    "Hull Reindeers" has a ring to it, don't you think? Better than Hull Ti...never mind. 

Liverpool

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    Now that he's signed a big-money contract, Suarez's status as a deity at Anfield is safe. 

Manchester City

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    When Father Christmas heads to the blue side of Manchester, he makes sure he gets changed. 

Manchester United

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    David Moyes probably won't put this one on his mantlepiece. 

Newcastle

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    Newcastle attempt to make light of a year of farce with a cracking joke. 

Norwich

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    Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without a bit of Delia.  

Southampton

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    Football clubs will get a sponsor for just about anything these days (isn't that right Manchester United's official diesel engine partner?) so why not do some advertising on the Christmas card?

    Recreational smoker Artur Boruc is only too happy to inhale some smooth tobacco at this time of year. 

Stoke

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    Stoke recreate a classic for all the family. 

Sunderland

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    Sunderland get straight to the point with their naughty list. 

Swansea

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    Swansea's carol singers were excellent value in their first year, but dropped off a bit in their second. 

Tottenham

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    After an indulgent 2013 and a few new faces, Spurs invite you to take part in their January sales. (Note: no refunds!) 

West Brom

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    The local children stood in awe as Ben Foster came to life to reclaim his spot in the Baggies' goalmouth. 

West Ham

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    Andy Carroll has had a lot of time on his hands to raise some money. He's aiming for about £15 million. 

     

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