Turning The Tables: Pat Forde Meets The Press (Satire)

Mark Thomason by Contributor Written on May 31, 2009
LEXINGTON, KY - FEBRUARY 28:  Jodie Meeks #23 of the Kentucky Wildcats shoots the ball during the SEC game against the LSU Tigers at Rupp Arena on February 28, 2009 in Lexington, Kentucky.  LSU won 73-70.  (Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images) (Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images)
(Page 3 of 3)

Q: Say for example Reggie Rose won the mega millions lottery in the summer of 2007 and decided he wanted to become a Memphis booster with his fortune. Then imagine he decided to donate money to the school and spend some cash on team road trips, would that have been okay with you?

PF: (Yelling) But he didn't win the lottery did he? Shoot, now that you mention it, I wish I could win the lottery. Anybody know any good numbers to play? These royalties from the Pitino book aren't exactly breaking the bank!

Q: In your article you questioned John Calipari's commitment to discipline. Has anyone at ESPN.COM or the Disney corporation ever questioned your habits of denigrating young adults, blatantly holding grudges against coaches you have it in for, or the aforementioned use of rumor and innuendo?

PF: Listen, this is ESPN i'm working for here. Other than Bob Ley, Jeremy Schaap, Andy Katz, and a few others, there's nary a serious journalist in the entire operation. Did you see Peter Gammons lobbing softballs at Alex Rodriguez? Chris Mortensen saying Eli Manning was out for month when de didn't miss a single game? We have updates on our ticker saying that "ESPN's so and so has learned x" when the story has been broken hours earlier by other media outlets. You can't really take us seriously, can you? I mean look at what goes on in politics, 90% of the so-called objective journalists openly campaigned for Barack Obama, and you have a problem with the fact that I have it in for John McCain, I mean Calipari. This is the toy department for crying out loud! Just a bunch of silly games that allows me to travel the country, go to games, and eat press room buffets, all for free! Isn't America great?

Q: Sir, your attitude is appalling. ESPN is under the umbrella of a major media conglomerate, the Walt Disney Corporation!

PF: You're correct, I work for Disney!

(An angry fan storms into the press conference)

FAN: I couldn't think of a more appropriate corporation that would employ a man of your ilk considering your love for fairy tales!

PF: You know what, this press conference is over. Th-th-th-th-that's ALL FOLKS!

FAN: That's all Folks is from Warner Brothers, not Disney.

PF: I'm wrong all the time, what's one more screw-up!

(0)
...
Share This  
Crop_45x45
or to post this comment

3 Comments

There are no comments yet. Get the conversation started by leaving the first comment

Loading more comments...
posted just now
  • Loading...
  • Nobody has liked this comment yet
Cancel

This comment and all replies have been deleted This comment has been deleted Undo delete

1,318
reads

3
comments

written on May 31, 2009 Humor

The best Kentucky newsletter on the web

Subscribe Now

We will never share your email address


CBS Sports Official Partner
Certain photos copyright © 2009 by Getty Images.
Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Getty Images is strictly prohibited.