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Woo Man Wants to Be Traded; Wrigley Not Ready to Part Ways

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Woo Man Wants to Be Traded; Wrigley Not Ready to Part Ways

You've heard the chant for hours at a time. You've heard it while you order an Old Style in the bleachers. You hear it before the first pitch is thrown at a 1:20pm game. You hear it in your head right before you fall asleep.

"Go...WOO!....Cubs...WOO!...Big Z...WOO!"

The official unofficial mascot of the Chicago Cubs, Ronnie Wickers, 67 (or there abouts) also known as 'Ronnie Woo Woo' to many tourists, has been rumored to possibly hang up the Cubby Blue, bleacher tickets, and the full head to toe uniform, for the Southside.

"I've been here on Clark and Addison...WOO!... for many years...WOO!... I wouldn't say that Cub fans are tired of me...WOO!... cuz I'm not tired of them...WOO!... but this is more of a next step in my mascot-ing career...WOO!" said the journeyman.

"It's me going back home to my roots...WOO! I just need approval from Jim Hendry and my main man Sweet Lou Pinella...WOO!...Besides, I'm starting to think..WOO!...that I'm the curse...WOO!...not that goat...WOO!"

Many people associate Ronnie with the Cubs, and many figured he was always a northsider. But after several months of intensive investigating, the Chicago Police Department traced his beginnings back to the Southside, and ironically enough, right near 35th St.  

"Mr. Wickers was born on the southside of the city, near 35th street. At this moment, it is unclear as to whether he was a Sox fan or a Cubs fan growing up." said a CPD spokesperson.  "The case has actually been reassigned to several rookie cops by the Sox ballpark."

The news may strike many Cub fans as shocking. "I don't believe this! How can Ronnie abandon us in the 100th year of the Curse?" said Debbie O'neil from Schaumberg, IL. "We need him and his 'woos' more than ever!"

Others don't really care what happens to the longtime face of the Chicago Cubs.  "Wait, he's going to the southside?! Haha, well Ozzie...enjoy that! I'm glad he's gone. Maybe this way I can actually buy my $40 Bud Light bleacher ticket and enjoy the game at Wrigley." said longtime Cubs fan Larry McGoosen from Naperville, IL.

His cheering has been a staple in the bleachers for years beyond comprehension, he is part of the Cubs experience, and the decision has been hard for the Cubs organization to understand.

"I'm not sure how to take it." said Cubs GM Jim Hendry. "He's such an important piece of the puzzle on this ballclub. We've taken him in as a son, treated him with respect, even sized his head for an official Major League fitted ballcap. I'm not sure where we went wrong. I can tell you this ,I will do everything in my powers to make sure Kenny Williams and the White Sox don't take Ronnie away from us."

When asked why he would trade for Ronnie, Kenny Williams replied with "Who?...excuse me...WHO?" trying to understand the question at hand. A newspaper reporter then said "No, it's WOO! not WHO!".

Unfortunately, that was the end of the interview for the short-tempered White Sox GM as he grabbed the mic and hit the reporter over the head in a 'Homie don't play that!' fashion.

As the story unwinds, so will the rumors. The only fact at hand is that Ronnie wants to be traded to the southside and wear the black and white.

"If I end up going...WOO!, I am going to be the face and pride...WOO! of the Sox...WOO!"

Ask any casual Chicago baseball fan and this seems just wrong. "It's like wearing a Sox hat and a Cubs jersey at the same time." says confused Cubs radio man Ron Santo. "What's he thinking?!"

 

 

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