Where have you gone, Taco Wallace?

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Where have you gone, Taco Wallace?
(Photo by Getty Images)
Remember Taco Wallace?

The Seattle Seahawks’ 2003 seventh-round draft pick out of Kansas State, Wallace was the practice squad receiver with the funny nickname who never could find his way into a regular role with the team.

Six years after he first became a pseudo-household name, two or three of you may actually be wondering whatever happened to the football-playing Mexican side dish.

Unbeknownst to many, Wallace is once again making a name for himself in the Seattle area as a wideout for the minor league Seattle Stallions of the Cascade Football League.

But that’s not all.

In order to generate fan interest in their ballclub, the Stallions have put together a marketing campaign centered around a 31-year-old “mystery player” named L. Wallace.

Here is an excerpt from their press release regarding the mysterious L. Wallace, which may or may not have been written by a third grader (all punctuation and capitalization is reproduced as originally printed in the release):

Mystery Minor League Football Player L. Wallace a 31 yr old WR-KR 6′1″ 180 Ibs Must have set an All-Time Minor League U.S.A. Record Saturday Night at Edmonds High School Football Field 2 May 09 in directing the Seattle Stallions 49-0 Opening game win against the Winless Snohomish County Thunder in returning two Thunder Punts, one for 80 yds, a TD and secondly for a return of 100 yds, and intercepting a Thunder pass for 61 yds to add a third Seattle score, to accumulate over 280 yards to an already over 300 yd Seattle total rushing, to become MVP and Player of the week in this Cascade Football League Football game of the week. The question is, who is this Mystery 31 yr old Football player from Garden Grove California?

The answer is Taco Wallace.

Mystery solved.

Interestingly enough, Taco Wallace has a birthdate of April 14, 1981, while his doppleganger L. Wallace is listed as 31 years of age.

Maybe this is simply a marketing ploy to lead observers off the trail.

Maybe Wallace is half-Dominican.

Or maybe the guy that’s marketing the Stallions learned arithmetic as well as he learned grammar.

Either way, the fact remains that Taco is alive and well and dominating an adult football league that otherwise wouldn’t have received any pub whatsoever.

So congratulations, Stallions, your plan worked.

Oh, and for the record, Taco's given first name is Lawrence. And coincidentally, he's listed at 6'1", 180 lbs by NFL.com. Hmm....

*Side note: If you happen to be looking for a sports marketing firm, consider American Sports Mgt NW of Everett, WA. These guys are the savvy braintrust behind the press release you just read, with special thanks to corporate director Don Whedon, the author of the words I have quoted in this article.  

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