We’re less than a week away from the NFL Draft and you can almost taste the excitement. Front offices are spending every waking moment breaking down prospects, Mel Kiper’s carefully combing each hair into place, and Chris Berman is hard at work putting together awkwardly-phrased nicknames that no one else will ever use.
The NFL Draft can be long and tedious and yet, as football fans, we’re drawn to it like a moth to a flame.
But how can we help ourselves? We’re fans. And as fans, we need to know every detail about every player our team is considering drafting. And when our team finally picks an unknown linebacker from Middle Southern Tennessee State, we’re going to need one of ESPN’s 23 draft analysts to breakdown his 40 time and discuss his upside.
Fortunately, there’s a way to make two days of bad jokes and combine highlights a little more enjoyable…
The 2008 NFL Draft Drinking Game
-Every time you hear the phrases “on the clock,” “war room” or “character issues”… drink!
-Every time Chris Berman unveils a ridiculous nickname…drink!
-Every time a Chris Berman nickname references a song that’s over 20 years old…drink twice!
-Every time an ESPN analyst confuses Jake and Chris Long…drink!
-Every time Emmitt Smith uses a word that isn’t actually a word…drink!
-Every time someone you’re watching with wonders aloud whether or not Mel Kiper’s hair is real…drink!
-Every time you hear the word “spygate”…drink!
-Every time Jets or Eagles fans boo a pick…drink!
-Every time ESPN shows footage of Jets or Eagles fans booing picks from previous drafts…drink twice!
-If Jets or Eagles fans boo each other…do a shot!
-Every time Chris Mortensen “breaks” a story…drink!
-Every time the analysts point out that Eli Manning won the Super Bowl last year in a tone that indicates they’re having a hard time coming to terms with that fact…drink!
-Every time they show an undrafted player sitting awkwardly in the green room, waiting to hear his name called…drink!
-If the player has a family member or girlfriend by his side consoling him…drink twice!
-If you’re not sure whether or not the consoling party is a family member or a girlfriend…do a shot!
-If an analyst talks about the potential of Bengals WR Chad Johnson getting traded…drink!
-If Chad Johnson actually gets traded…drink twice!
-If your favorite team traded for Chad Johnson…do a shot!
*NOTE: The “Chad Johnson” rules can also be applied to Brian Urlacher, Jeremy Shockey or Pacman Jones.
-Every time someone mentions that Tom Brady was drafted in the sixth round…drink!
-Every time you see a commercial starring Peyton Manning…drink!
-Every time you see a commercial starring Peyton and Eli Manning…drink twice!
-Every time you see a commercial starring the whole Manning family in it…do a shot!
Bottoms up NFL fans! And you're welcome.