The Brooklyn Nets have been a near-constant source of comedy throughout the 2013-14 season.
Whether it's their inability to look even remotely competent, Jason Kidd's "coaching" on the sidelines (he's better at spilling drinks than drawing up plays) or the sadly humorous Kevin Garnett commercials, they've emerged as the NBA's premier laughingstock. All for the bargain price of like $682.4 million (approximately).
Someone was bound to take advantage of the opportunity, and someone has.
Following the news that assistant coach Lawrence Frank was reassigned so that he can produce daily reports, an anonymous genius has created a parody account that trolls the Nets in a scarily accurate way.
At the time of this article's publication, there had been four daily reports, and they're all comedic gold. Here are some of the highlights:
The Bucks are a pretty horrible team, but they scare me for a few reasons and not only because, obviously, the Nets are also a pretty horrible team.
Watch out for that Greek kid that everyone's in love with (I'm not getting paid enough to try to write his name. Joke!) and that John Henson character. If they start doing their long arm freak stuff, just throw Reggie on one and Mason on the other.
The Knicks shot 71 percent in the first quarter. 71 percent! You really look like you could use a defensive assistant with NBA head coaching experience.
You're not doing yourself any favors with that beard. Maybe you're going for the scruffy Euro look, but you really don't have the face for it. You're not a bad-looking guy by any means, but it's not just not working out.
But since this is my "job" and I'm making something like $8,000 per "report," here are a few more notes...
Make sure someone is guarding Carmelo Anthony at all times. As you may remember, he scores a lot and likes to shoot.
I've been busy WATCHING GAME FILM since then. Yeah, GAME FILM. IT'S HOW COACHES PREPARE FOR OTHER TEAMS. IT'S LITERALLY A FILM OF GAMES THAT OTHER TEAMS HAVE PLAYED. COACHES WATCH IT BECAUSE THEY CAN'T BE AT EVERY GAME IN PERSON AND THEY LIKE TO KNOW WHO THEY'RE PLAYING AGAINST AND WHAT KIND OF OFFENSIVE AND DEFENSIVE SCHEMES THEY USE SO THEY CAN PREPARE TO TRY TO BEAT THEM.
Of course, I can't reprint all the jokes that fake Frank runs with, so check it out for yourself.
If you're relishing Brooklyn's putrid start to the season, it'll just make it even funnier. If you're sickened by the way they're playing, this can serve as a nice distraction. Hey, everyone else is enjoying it:
Regardless of your outlook, here's hoping that the notes continue throughout the season.
As one of the few people in the world who still uses bookmarks, I've already added it to my list. I suggest you do the same.