I just got back from Las Vegas this past weekend after a Wednesday to Saturday late night stay. There is something about this city that just gets me every time and will go over a few things that might’ve happened to me or that I saw.
The European pool at Caesars Palace. When 3 of my buddies decided to schedule an 11:30 am tee time for Thursday morning me and one other male compadre decided that we should experience this. After ordering a $58 six-pack of beer we were waiting to see the best set of hooters we’ve ever seen. The first lady to take the top off was a 45 year old wrinkled lady whose skin looked like a King Cobra and had saggy little B-cups. This was a terrible decision by us even after seeing fake D-cups from an upper 20’s looking girl who quite easily could’ve been a stripper.
Card players playing Texas hold’em. You are not a professional and quit acting like every professional player you’ve seen win a tournament on TV. Honestly, do you need sunglasses and/or head phones while playing at the tables? The best player is the guy who just puts his glasses and/or phones in when he’s in a big hand. Like me not seeing your eyes is going to make me fold or call your huge bet. Be your person, your own player and make up at least one line that we haven’t heard on TV or from a movie.
Toby Keith’s Bar. This is the closest thing you’ll come to going to your local college bar in Vegas. You get waitresses wearing soft leather vests that are zippered up ¼ of the way and their chests hanging right in your face when you’re trying to order a damn burger and fries. Music is cranked with every country hit you can think of so everybody and anybody who is in the bar is dancing and taking shots of some ridiculous shot you haven’t smelt in 6 years. The best part is the lady who walks on top of the circular bar and makes her rounds blowing into a referee whistle as loud as possible. While doing so, she forces margarita mix down anybody’s throat that is within 25 feet of the bar. If you’re there and looking for your everyday college bar, take a jaunt down Vegas Blvd. to this classic hangout.
M.I.L.F’s. There are more 30-45 year old females there that dress and look like they are in their mid 20’s. They are usually in groups of 4-6 and looking for any decent looking man with money or any male under the age of 30. The best part is that you don’t even know if they’re married because all of them will take off their rings if they are actually married. I bet the rate of them who are married hovers around 50% and I’d say 45% of them commit adultery while in the city that never sleeps.
The “red eye” flight back to Minnesota. My flight left at 12:50 AM PST so yes we didn’t get to enjoy the nightlife on a Saturday night. But I went to the Vegas airport and there was no line to get checked in and no line to go through the security. Of course it took 15 minutes for the guy to bring into the private section of security only to find two empty chew cans but whatever. It can usually take an entire day to get checked into the Vegas airport so that was a blessing in the sky. I got home at 7:30 AM so I had all day to be one big pile of shit and still feel at 50% on Monday at work. The other thing is that you’d be crazy to think I wasn’t ready to leave after having 37 beers per night Wednesday-Friday and then getting shit-faced Saturday afternoon by the pool while some dipshits bought us two rounds of shots before noon.
Overall it was just another trip to Vegas but it amazes me that I see new things every single trip out there. I have another trip planned in July for my brother’s bachelor party so I will be reporting on the new bizarre things that I see. The goal of this trip and I guess every trip to Vegas is to come back alive. Here’s to staying alive at the 2nd go around for a bachelor party to the city that will take you for a ride.