Welcome to the latest installment of The Onion Bag, your one-stop-shop for all the latest weird and wonderful football news.
We kick off today with Barcelona, who seem to be suffering a terrible case of "cursed kit-itis." The Liga leaders have now dropped points on the last five occasions they have worn their Catalan-inspired away strip, inspiring worry in the Spanish press.
Next, we jet to Brazil where every single baby born on Tuesday will be treated to an official World Cup match ball.
And finally, we stop in with spiritual healer and friend of the Reptilians Stephany Cohen, who has good news for Crystal Palace.
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