20 Teams Who Need New Uniforms ASAP

Nick DimengoFeatured ColumnistDecember 2, 2013

20 Teams Who Need New Uniforms ASAP

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    While it really shouldn't matter what a team rolls out of the locker room in, it's hard for us fans not to have an opinion.

    And as we've seen more prominently in college sports—like with the Oregon Ducks—there are some teams who use the variety of colors and accessories to their advantage in recruiting, hoping to sway a teenager's opinion thanks to the swagged-out gear.

    But unlike some of the killer alternate uniforms out there, some teams strike out when thinking a bit outside of the box with their garb—and our eyes seriously hurt because of it.

Missouri Tigers Football

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    I know that the whole all-black look is one that's used a hell of a lot these days in every sport, but after seeing the Missouri Tigers' version of it this past weekend against Texas A&M, they shouldn't try to join the party.

    Props to them making the SEC title game and, with a lot of luck, potentially playing in the BCS Championship Game, but the uni's themselves are both boring and ugly, with the kicker being the weird Tiger logo on the helmet, making them look more like birds than a vicious beast.

South Florida Bulls Basketball

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    Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

    OK, so the current all-gold USF Bulls uniforms might not be the most grotesque things your eyes have ever seen, but they aren't exactly the best either.

    Less gold and more bronze, the entire outfit just isn't my style.

    But the Bulls don't find themselves here because their current ones are worse than most, but rather because of what they actually wore during last year's Big East Tournament.

    If those things weren't just for that specific tourney, there's no way in hell South Florida would stand being this low on my list.

Cleveland Browns

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    As a Cleveland Browns fan, I've gotten used to seeing some of the most hideously paired colors roll out onto the field every single week.

    But that still doesn't make their uniforms acceptable.

    Torturing my fellow fans even more than with just the team's play on the field, the Brownies try to get fancy like other teams by putting together different versions of their tops and bottoms—and seemingly strike out whenever they do.

Phoenix Suns

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    I really wanted to like the new Phoenix Suns jerseys that they unveiled for this season, but I just couldn't find it in me to warm up to them.

    They just seem like they're missing something—maybe a basketball where the numbers on the front are?

    Something about these just look tacky to me, so I had to include them here.

    The fact that their three versions lack any continuity in the script and design is bad, but let's not forget that this team's colors are purple, orange and white—which are never great choices in sports.

Miami Marlins

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    For a city as fashionable as Miami is, you'd think this team would have its act together, right?

    Well, it's the complete opposite—and it's not just that God-awful sculpture standing in center field as to the reason why.

    Sure, that home run celebrator might be awfully distracting, but at least it diverts fans' eyes from the multi-colored uniforms that the team is running around in on the field.

    Maybe the front office started to realize how awful they looked, pulling one version of the uniform before last season—hey, it's baby steps.

Baylor Bears Basketball

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    The Baylor Bears men's basketball team did actually wear those highlighter-inspired uniforms the past few seasons, but, to my surprise, they actually weren't the most disgusting attire in their lockers.

    No, that title's grabbed by the squad's other uniforms, which aren't just sleeved—which apparently has become the new trend in basketball—but also keeps elements of that bright yellow on them too.

    Maybe Baylor is just trying to be the Oregon Ducks of college basketball with all these bright, super busy uniforms?

Reading Royals

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    Image via instagram.com/readingroyals

    There's no need to adjust your eyes—though you probably really want to—those uniforms you see actually are Halloween-inspired sweaters worn by the ECHL's Reading Royals.

    As bad as those things are—especially when you consider the team's primary colors are purple, black and white—have you seen the ugly Christmas sweaters they're going to wear?

    It's hilarious to see the organization have some fun with the ugly sweater parties that are so popular this time of year, but I'm not sure this is the best statement.

Notre Dame Irish Football

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    Whatever happened to tradition?

    With some of the most recognizable uniforms in all of sports, Notre Dame football would seem to stick with what works.

    But in the past few seasons, the Irish have tried getting trendy themselves, really dropping the ball with these half-gold, half-logo helmets in a game last year versus Miami (Fla.).

    It's a good thing the game was played in Chicago, otherwise Touchdown Jesus may have tried covering his eyes to avoid seeing this ugly garb.

New York Islanders

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    It must really suck being a New York Islanders fan.

    Not only has the franchise not won a Stanley Cup since dominating the early '80s by winning four straight from 1979-82, but even when supporting the team by wearing a jersey, they probably get made fun of.

    That's because the team continues to don some of the most unstylish in all of sports, mixing a variety of versions together in hopes that they'll be good to look at.

    They aren't though.

    At least the team doesn't wear these anymore, so that's a plus.

New York Knicks

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    They're just, so orange.

    I know that the New York Knicks wanted to show their festive spirit on Halloween by wearing these very pumpkin-like, all-orange uniforms against the Chicago Bulls this year, but they were scaring their fans more with their jerseys than with their poor play.

    I'd like to think this was just a one-timer for the team, but it looks like they've decided to not only wear orange again but wear one of the most awful uniforms I've ever seen on Christmas Day—click at your own risk.

    Wonder if Ed Hardy designed those for them?

Team Canada Hockey

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    Image via Frank Gunn/The Canadian Press

    Maybe Canada's 2014 Olympic hockey teams should just wear the country's flag wrapped around them rather than actually struggle with pulling these over their heads for each game.

    That's essentially what these uniforms look like to me, anyways.

    Luckily, these won't be worn past the Olympics in Sochi—because they are really ugly.

Wyoming Cowboys Football

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    Here's a little suggestion for any sports teams—never, I repeat, never try to force a color combination that has no business ever being paired together.

    In the case of the Wyoming Cowboys though, they had to overcome the school's unfortunate colors and try to make the best of the uniforms.

    With yellow pants, brown top and white helmet, the 'Boys should be automatically penalized 15 yards each time they take the field—whether they're wearing the normal ones or a specialized design.

Air Force Football

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    Image via Ray Carlin/Icon SMI

    There's good and bad news with the Air Force football uniforms.

    The positive is that the entire outfit doesn't look like the most generic thing ever, resembling those reused uniforms that we all had to wash and return after each season growing up.

    The negative is that the new ones aren't really that much better, having way too much going on.

    I always appreciate when teams honor military veterans by way of their uniforms—especially a military school like Air Force—but there's a right and wrong way of doing it.

Golden State Warriors

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    It's one thing to have the built-in sleeves—a look that was unfamiliar to basketball uniforms—but things get taken to another level because of the bright yellow color of these Golden State Warriors uniforms.

    The Warriors might have one of the most exciting, young teams in the league, but no one should get as hyped about their uniforms.

    If you think they look like giant popcorn kernels running around out there, you're not alone.

Stade Francais Rugby

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    One thing that's always really cool about the NFL season is when the league allows its players to support breast cancer awareness by wearing pink all through October.

    But imagine that bright color as the primary shade of your favorite team?

    Yeah, it might be a bit much.

    That's the dilemma Stade Francais rugby fans have though, as they've been forced to stare at a variety of different colorful uniforms over the years—yet continue to keep the pink.

    Rugby fans remind me that you have to wear pink to drink which, in that case, this team definitely has covered.

Jacksonville Jaguars

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    When ESPN ranks your uniform as the worst in sports that should probably be a sign that your team shouldn't march out on the field in them much longer.

    No matter, the Jacksonville Jaguars continue sporting one of the most interesting looks of any team in sports history, with that optical illusion-like helmet and mixture of colors.

    It might be the team's first year wearing these things, but it's already been long enough—it's time to admit it got it wrong and whip some new ones up.

Notre Dame Fighting Irish Basketball

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    Sorry Notre Dame fans, but you earn the distinction of being on this list twice for two of your different teams' uniforms.

    Thankfully, these lime green atrocities aren't the everyday outfits for the Irish, but just wearing them the few times they did in the Big East tournament last year was enough of a mess to get them a mention here.

    Ecto Cooler might be a sweet drink, and it might be OK for former Irish coach Digger Phelps to match his highlighter with his tie, but Notre Dame shouldn't try to match them by ever wearing these uniforms again.

San Antonio Spurs

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    As I mentioned earlier, it's always cool to see sports teams honor veterans by wearing specialized uniforms for certain games.

    But one team that should just stick to its regular uni's is the San Antonio Spurs—especially after seeing their version of the full-on fatigue look a few weeks ago.

    Matter of fact, let's just go ahead and get rid of camo in sports altogether; because it just doesn't work for any team.

Pittsburgh Steelers

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    Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sport

    It's pretty safe to say that no one enjoys being stung by a bee.

    And I can say that people probably dislike the feeling they get when staring at the Pittsburgh Steelers' throwback, 1933 bumblebee uniforms just as much.

    Thankfully fans are only forced to look at these maybe once a season, but that one game leaves plenty of terrible memories.

    I'm actually shocked to see Detroit Lions wideout Calvin Johnson would openly accept one from Steelers receiver Antonio Brown after they swapped jerseys earlier this season—hopefully, Megatron just burned it.

Maryland Terrapins Football

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    Mitch Stringer-USA TODAY Sports

    When it comes to uniforms that need to be retired for eternity, there isn't a team more deserving than the Maryland Terrapins football team.

    I'm all about reppin' your state, but I think we can all admit this is a little bit obnoxious, with Maryland's state flag all over the helmet and shoulder pads—not to mention the team's kicks too.

    As bad as the usual flag-draped uni is, the Terps actually donned an even worse version in the game against Syracuse earlier this year, simply known as the "Pride" uniform.

    With a helmet that looks like it has graffiti on the back of it and a combo of bright red, yellow, black and white, I'd be anything but prideful wearing those things for 60 minutes—hell, or even just for a few minutes.