As a disclaimer, I should probably say that I love it when athletes fail epically on Twitter.
At this point, it's hard to understand how they just don't get it. It's hard to understand why prominent athletes insist upon tweeting highly inappropriate things that all of us—all of us—know are going to land them a hefty fine.
Look, Brandon Spikes gets it:
I wanna tweet something sooooooo bad right now but can’t!!!! 😫😫😫😩 I’d prob get fined— brandon spikes (@BrandonSpikes55) November 29, 2013
So why don't the rest of his fellow athletes?
There are certain credos to follow when you're a pro athlete who uses Twitter: Don't insult your teammates. Don't insult your coaches. Don't question the refs. Don't tweet about your…conquests. That's pretty much it. Not too complicated, right?
Wrong. Thus, this select group of winners should probably exile themselves from social networking.
This one counts as a dishonorable mention because Tyler Seguin has, in fact, been forced out of the Twittersphere, most likely by the Dallas Stars because of this.
But we would be remiss if we didn't include him among those athletes who have failed so notably at Twitter that they have been forced to discontinue.
Seguin is a single dude who likes living the single life. No, really. He talks about it constantly. In his former life as a Bruin, he used to tweet about it constantly, too.
But seriously: No one needs to know that you're that guy who labels girls as "Don't Text Her, Bro" in your phone. Seriously.
In Joel Ward's defense, Twitter did help him escape from this sticky situation. But alternately, thanks to Twitter, the whole world now knows you're the guy who locked himself in a bathroom, so you should probably just bow out gracefully at this point.
A couple of months ago, the Capitals winger found himself trapped in a stall at the team hotel in Dallas prior to a game against the Stars. Thus, he did the only thing he could think of: tweet for help.
Thankfully, the hotel staff came to his rescue, as did John Carlson, who live-tweeted the rescue mission.
He's not an athlete, but there is no possible way he doesn't make an appearance on this list.
Jason Whitlock—currently with ESPN, formerly with Foxsports.com—managed to unleash one of the most offensive and ill-advised tweets of all time in February 2012, which you may remember was the height of Jeremy Lin's popularity. After Lin and the Knicks beat the Lakers, Whitlock tweeted this:
Some lucky lady in NYC is gonna feel a couple inches of pain tonight.
How does this person still have a job?
We get it. You lost. You're mad.
But do you really need to go on Twitter for the sole purpose of a) calling attention to the guy who humiliated you because he successfully executed a a squeeze, and b) insulting his wife?
The Rangers pitcher was peeved because he pitched poorly and decided to take it out on Eric Sogard, the successful bunter. He was also peeved because allegedly, after the game, Kaycee Sogard said something to him.
So naturally, he went on a Twitter rant that featured gems such as "Keep your woman out of it!" and "Chumps! Hahaha!"
Let this be a note to all: Taking to Twitter in order to beg your team not to trade you is desperate. It's never a good idea.
Also, there is a zero percent chance it's going to convince your team not to trade you. So there's that.
In 2010, Mo Williams was so desperate to remain a part of the Cleveland Cavaliers that he begged asked the team to keep him around, via social networking:
Pls don't trade me, I'm not ready to go. I'm begging. My work ain't done yet. I'm on both knees…pls. I'm serious
That's what agents are for, bro.
Let's be real for a second. There are some college athletes out there who love going to class, and who work their butts off to graduate early and get their degrees.
Then, there are athletes who come to college to play sports. Not to go to class.
We all know the latter athletes exist. But most of them are smart enough to keep their motives under wraps.
Not Cardale Jones.
The former third-string Ohio State quarterback took to Twitter to reveal his true feelings about the value of an education:
Why should we have to go to class if we came here to play FOOTBALL, we ain't come to play SCHOOL classes are POINTLESS
But hey: He ended up in a textbook about social media best practices! So there's that.
Logan Morrison, you are a gem.
There are some athletes who are funny. LoMo is not one of them. Good try, though.
The Marlins outfielder was shopping at Nordstrom one day when he had the experience of seeing a woman breastfeed her child. Clearly, he was uncomfortable, which is...whatever.
Then, he proceeded to berate Nordstrom via Twitter for allowing women to breastfeed in its stores and tweet a picture of the woman (!!!!).
When you're in high school, there are a lot of things that can result in you losing your scholarship to play college football. Drinking, drug use, poor performance in the classroom…
Poor performance on social media should not be one of those things.
Yuri Wright was once a prized recruit coveted by the likes of Michigan, Notre Dame and Rutgers. Then, those schools discovered his Twitter feed.
When your tweets are so offensive that schools are rescinding their scholarship offers, you need an intervention.
Tweeting isn't something that all teams are comfortable with, but most of them still allow their players to engage in it.
Until something like this happens.
Tweeting before and after a game is fine. Tweeting during a game? No. Just no.
The Pistons forward was once so desperate to tweet that he sneaked into the locker room in the middle of a game against the Celtics to do so—and then tweeted that he sneaked into the locker room during a game against the Celtics to do so.
Charlie Villanueva, giving new meaning to a Twitter fail.
Hope Solo just is seemingly one of those people with no filter. A lack of filter, combined with Twitter, can be catastrophic.
And no one has proven that better than she has.
The goalie for the U.S. women's soccer team has never been one to keep it to herself, so when she didn't approve of fellow U.S. women's soccer legend Brandi Chastain's commentating skills during the 2012 Olympic Games, she let the whole world know:
Its 2 bad we can't have commentators who better represents the team&knows more about the game @brandichastain! #fb
Yes. Yes, it is too bad we don't have people who better represents us.
OMG, racism is hilarious, Carlton Cole.
The boneheaded and moronic West Ham striker invoked the ire of the masses a couple of years ago, when he poked fun at Ghana fans before a game at Wembley Stadium:
Immigration has surrounded the wembley premises! I knew it was a trap! Hahahhaha.
Yes. Hilarious. No more Twitter for you, Carlton.
Jose Canseco certainly isn't as offensive at some of his cohorts on this list.
In his case, Twitter serves as a platform with which he can make a complete and utter fool of himself, day in and day out.
Take this, for example: The time he told Al Gore to rest in peace, despite the fact that Al Gore is, in fact, alive:
al gore was a head of his time .i miss him rest in peace buddy hug for u— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 28, 2012
Get off Twitter, buddy. Save yourself the embarrassment.
One day, you're a college basketball player. The next, you're kicked off the team and rendered irrelevant.
Former Mississippi State basketball player DJ Gardner committed one of the most egregious Twitter gaffes of all time when he publicly called out his coaching staff for redshirting him:
These b****** tried to f*** me over.. That's y I red shirted .. But I wish my homies a great a** season.. I don't even know y I'm still here
Welp, Gardner got his wish: He got kicked out of school for that ill-advised rant.
So this one time, Gilbert Arenas committed a Twitter fail. Shocking, I know, considering it's Gilbert Arenas.
The man who once brought a gun to the locker room somehow exercises even poorer judgment on social media. Arenas once live-tweeted his own terrible date, in which he seemed to be having trouble getting lucky…until the tides turned, and very publicly announced his own good fortune:
She called me a jack ass.. I said "she looks so cute with her little ugly self" who's NEXT
Its okay fellas she still wants action…ladies like rude boys..or the blk card I hav in my pocket..either way bam bam we got ACTION
At least he's honest with himself. It was definitely the black card.
Here's the deal. When you're an athlete, and you screw up, and your coach makes you pay for it, it's in your best interest to just accept the consequences and stay quiet.
I'm talking to you, Jozy Altidore.
The Sunderland forward got benched back in 2009 for being late. Instead of just taking the benching and moving on, he let the the whole world know what the situation was:
Apologise to all of you. I showed up late. Made a big mistake I'm very very sorry.
Yeah, the good intentions were there. The common sense was not. Altidore was subsequently fined for his tweet.
What's one way to guarantee that everyone who follows your sport will hate you? Tweet about how the fans don't actually care who wins.
In 2010, NASCAR driver Denny Hamlin thought it would be a good idea to take to Twitter to espouse his beliefs that his sport is fixed. EXCELLENT IDEA.
Truthfully I don't think it matters to the fans who wins the race as long as its a good "show." Even if it comes as the expense of competition
Yeah. Sounds reasonable to me, bud. Hamlin was fined $50,000 for sharing his theory.
Here's the thing. If you are sexist, it is always a good idea to keep it under wraps. If you have no common sense, it's best to keep that under wraps, too.
Unfortunately, it's too late for David Price.
The Tampa Bay Rays ace was just trying to wish his followers a safe and happy Thanksgiving. It backfired. Last week, the former Cy Young award winner tweeted:
Everyone thats traveling for thanksgiving please be careful! Driving conditions will be rough with these storms! Ladies..let ur man drive!
Because we all know we'll all stay safe as long as the ladies stay off the road. Duh.