WWE Worst of the Week: Michael Strahan, Brodus Clay and More
WWE gave us the worst leftovers possible.
Watching this week's shows was like eating grandma's creamed corn side dish that was stuck behind a radiator for over a month. We're back to guest hosts, abductions and a possible title unification. Or maybe not—WWE doesn't seem to have decided yet.
Let's just try to face the facts. WWE is going to probably be pretty lousy until late January, when the Royal Rumble takes place and WrestleMania season begins.
We're in no man's land right now, and it's a scary place to be. No thanks were given this week. Had the pilgrims come to America and seen Raw and SmackDown when they arrived, they would have sailed right back.
If you were able to stomach WWE's helping during Thanksgiving season, let's dive on in sort through it all. Here we'll take a look at the moments that made you want to change the channel, give up on the squared circle and take up water polo instead.
Here is WWE's worst of the week.
No. 5: Los Matadores vs. 3MB: Round 8
Some wrestling contests deserve a rematch.
Steve Austin vs. The Rock, Ric Flair vs. Ricky Steamboat and The Hardy Boyz vs. Edge and Christian are among the few that fans couldn't get enough of.
The 3MB vs. Los Matadores is not one of them.
In under two months, we've seen the two groups battle eight times (via profightdb.com). Of course, 3MB hasn't won a single one of those encounters, so all of those rematches seem completely unnecessary.
To the surprise of no one, Los Matadores are not getting over. Tossing in El Torito to the eighth match didn't make things more fun, it was just more embarrassing.
And maybe I'm just a bit of a Scrooge, but JBL and Michael Cole constantly pretending that the short man in a bull costume is a real bull just isn't that funny. Couldn't the Wyatt Family have kidnapped El Torito instead?
No. 4: Clay's Heel Turn
This may surprise some people, but I like Brodus Clay.
I absolutely hate the gimmick, but I like the man who plays him. I think he got screwed over when he was supposed to re-debut as a monster heel and was instead stuck with being cast as a fatter Ernest "The Cat" Miller.
Clay's heel turn was well past due, but it's probably too late anyway at this point. Nobody is going to take this guy seriously again. It would probably have been easier to have made The Shockmaster a legitimate threat.
WWE could have at least tried harder, though, than having him be upset over Xavier Woods "stealing his act." Clay let him borrow the Funkadactlys, and his theme song (which he stole from The Cat in the first place). Later, he regretted this decision.
During a tag match on SmackDown, Clay finished off Woods with a second-row splash. No, no! Not the second rope! There were children in the building!
For some reason, this move really upset Tensai and the Funkadactyls, even though it was one of the few wins the team has had in months.
It's not like he punished him by beating him up after the match, sitting on his face or making him watch all of Monday Night Raw again.
No. 3: Dah, Where Did My Husband Go? Me Don't Care
Daniel Bryan, one of the top stars in WWE, was kidnapped by The Wyatt Family.
I imagine that being kidnapped is not a fun experience. It's probably psychologically damaging for the victim and everyone who knows them.
Except for their fiancee. They're too busy getting an autograph from one of the hosts of the No. 2 syndicated talk show in the country.
Yes, I know, WWE eventually was kind enough to release a 15-second Tout of Brie Bella finding out that the love of her life is in the hands of deranged psychopaths. She was even so upset that she half-heartedly spiked the autographed football.
But this is a Tout! How many people watch those things?
Shouldn't the actual TV show where millions of people are watching be where Brie finds out? The company made her look like an uncaring fool, and it undercut the idea of Bryan being kidnapped in the first place.
WWE already did a good job of making fans not care about kidnap victims when Kane returned from his Wyatt Family vacation completely unharmed. Hopefully Bryan gets the same treatment, and can perhaps find a Wyatt sister to call his own. One that would actually care when he goes missing.
No. 2: Are You Ready for Some Entertainment?
I don't get The Miz.
He refused to tag Kofi Kingston in their tag match on Raw a couple weeks ago. You could say this was a heel move. The two then had a couple of one-on-one matches where Miz kind of forgot to be a heel.
On Raw, he hosted Miz TV and was back to his heelish ways by doing the time honored tradition of insulting the local sports team. But by the end of the segment, he was dancing with the man who threw him to the ground.
The rumors are saying that WWE somehow forgot that Christmas Bounty was coming out, and they turned him back to being a face. For some reason, a third-rate ABC Family film that drew a fraction of the ratings that Raw does got in the way of WWE storylines.
Okay, let's look past The Miz for a second and focus on Michael Strahan, and what an absolute disaster his appearance was.
WWE took one of its former champions, and had a former NFL player/Subway spokesman/failed sitcom actor/syndicated daytime talk show host toss him around like he was nothing. No other former WrestleMania main-eventer has sunk that low.
Even King Kong Bundy still has some of his dignity.
When celebrities come to Raw, the wrestlers all freak out. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't WWE present its own talent as bigger stars and the celebrities as wanting to meet them?
By the end of the night, Strahan damaged Miz, Titus O'Neill, Brie Bella and Erick Rowan by having him partake in that idiotic sheep skit. Whatever publicity WWE got out of it, I hope it was worth it.
Let's just hope that Ellen Degeneres never shows up on Raw, because WWE would probably have her pin Randy Orton clean.
No. 1: Puke on a Cole Match
I've seen a lot of terrible segments during my wrestling-fandom years.
I watched live as The Ultimate Warrior hid behind Hulk Hogan's mirror. I saw Eddie Guerrero give The Big Show a gut-bomb burrito, forcing him to have toilet troubles. I still have nightmares after watching Mae Young somehow, someway give birth to a fully grown Hornswoggle.
While I won't say Titus O'Neill vomiting for five minutes is worse than those segments, it does deserve mention alongside them.
For those who missed it, Vickie Guerrero had Titus O'Neill take on The Great Khali in an eating contest. However, there was absolutely no rules to the contest! I guess it was just whoever could eat longer?
Titus won and took on Antonio Cesaro in an actual wrestling match. Of course, the Cesaro Swing came into play, and this left O'Neill queasy. For some reason, he threw up in JBL's hat, and then on Michael Cole and Zeb Colter's heads.
This was too graphic for WWE, so it put up a turkey logo to cover up the vomit. If only the entire segment would have just had a giant turkey on the screen instead.
It was repetitive, disgusting and amazingly awful. Yeah, it pretty much summed up WWE TV this week.
Time to kick out.
Well, that's all for this week. Agree? Disagree? Do you enjoy watching one man vomit continuously? If so, sound off below, and talk about your worst moment of the week. Thanks for reading!