It's a day ending in "y," which means it's an ideal day for another installment of The Onion Bag!
First up in our roundup of weird and wonderful football news, it seems that Carlo Ancelotti nearly murdered one of his players while at Chelsea. But which one?
Next up is an other angry coach, Pep Guardiola. Someone has been leaking his tactics to the German press—when he finds the culprit, he shall be banished from Bavaria.
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