Plenty of celebrities out there love sports. Nelly always talks about how he wishes he was good enough at baseball to have played for the St. Louis Cardinals. Jay Z likes sports so much that he has taken it upon himself to ruin...er, manage the careers of some of the best athletes.
But tons of celebrities should keep their love of athletics under wraps in order to protect their reputations. Because quite frankly, they suck at sports.
If you're a celeb with a terrible golf swing, restrict yourself to private clubs where your futility will remain shrouded in secrecy. If you know you can't throw a ball 60 feet with thousands of people watching and judging, settle for singing the national anthem or waving from the front row instead.
Because nobody needs to see your weak athletic stuff. Really.
Is it really surprising that Kiefer Sutherland is bad at sports? Really? Because it kind of seems like the more B.A. these people are on TV or in the movies, the less they are in real life. It's an overcompensation thing.
But in Sutherland's defense, hockey is hard. Showing up for a celebrity hockey challenge is way harder than showing up for the NBA's celebrity game.
Still, he was a good sport as a member of Bruckheimer's Bad Boys at the NHL All-Star Celebrity Challenge, helping his team to a 11-10 victory. Clearly, solid goaltending was involved.
Like Sutherland, Mark Wahlberg saves his most admirable performances for the big screen. Because he certainly doesn't bring a similar level of amazingness to the golf course.
He may spend a lot of time hitting the links, but it's not paying off. Nothing can be done to salvage this swing.
Still, he and Entourage star Kevin Dillon played in a celebrity tournament to benefit Haiti a couple of years ago, so at least that embarrassment was for a good cause.
Mariah Carey doesn't look like she excels at athletic endeavors. She is working those platform heels, but most people with a clue don't show up to a baseball game dressed like that.
The once-reigning queen of pop once threw out the first pitch at a San Francisco Giants game, and it didn't go well. She sent her overhand throw straight down about five feet in front of her.
But at least she could just laugh it off.
So here's a shocker: Rob Ford is terrible at football.
Like really terrible.
Rob Ford stars in one of the most embarrassing GIFs on the Internet. The disgraced Toronto mayor attempted to play football during a media event prior to last year's Grey Cup, but unfortunately, when he tried to move while holding the ball, he fell down.
It's always fun to see people like Donald Trump show that they suck at something.
Though you may find this hard to believe, the Golf Channel once ran a show that featured Trump and his powerful friends pretending to be good at golf. And though you might find this hard to believe too, Trump cheated.
Of course, none of his buds had much to say when he blatantly picked up his ball and moved it, but, um, the cameras saw it. So...
As we all know very well, George W. Bush is never afraid to make a fool of himself. It's all part of his charm, right?
The 43rd President of the United States tried his hand at cricket in 2006 during a trip to Pakistan. Unfortunately, cricket wasn't as similar to baseball as Bush expected it to be.
"I don't quite have the skills yet," he told the BBC.
Incidentally, Bush could say that about many of his endeavors in life.
Justin Bieber has proved himself to be a boss at some sports. Remember when he wowed the world with his surprisingly stellar basketball skills at the 2011 All-Star Game and was subsequently named MVP?
Unfortunately, though, the Biebs couldn't pull off the same heroics when he attempted to throw a baseball.
He once threw out the first pitch at a Chicago White Sox game, and he didn't execute it as well as he thought he would when he strolled up to the mound looking so toolish.
His skills on the links aren't impressive, but they are legendary nonetheless.
Bill Murray has been a frequent fixture at the Pebble Beach Pro-Am—not because he's so good that he cannot be replaced, but because he makes things fun. He wears umbrella hats. He feeds his divots to fans. There's nothing he will not do for a laugh, course etiquette be damned.
The actor has been known to keep things light on the course during the tournament in the name of fun, and one year, he even—by some miracle—won it all. Most likely, he didn't do it on purpose.
Ray Romano is a good sport. He's not the best golfer in the world, but that didn't stop him from participating in The Haney Project. The competition featured amateur golfers (mostly celebrities) working with golf coach Hank Haney for the opportunity to win $100,000 for the charity of the winner's choice.
In 2011, Romano was part of the cast, and as the outtakes show, his struggles were not few and far between.
But that's why Haney is there, right?
Not only does Gordon Ramsay kind of suck at sports, but he kind of sucks in general, too.
Lying about your football career to make yourself sound cooler? Really, Gordon?
The chef and polarizing cooking show personality lied about playing for the Glasgow Rangers, according to the Daily Mail. He claimed that he was a sought-after prospect until a knee injury forced him into retirement at age 18.
Then, actual members of the Rangers came forward to say that they had no idea what Ramsay was talking about. His rep countered with this claim: "'Any inaccuracies…can be explained by the fact that all this occurred nearly 25 years ago."
Nice save, bro.
Vanilla Ice is such a tough guy, right?
Um, not really. Shocking, I know.
The one-hit wonder was a part of Fox's short-lived Celebrity Boxing in 2002, and to put it simply, it didn't go well for him. Ice was tasked with fighting Todd Bridges, and Bridges dominated him to take a unanimous decision.
Shortly thereafter, the show fortunately got cancelled.
Every year, plenty of superstars shock and impress the masses with their unexpectedly great performances during the NBA All-Star Celebrity Game.
Wilmer Valderrama was not one of them.
The former That '70s Show star was quite the opposite, wowing the audience with his hardwood futility. But at least he served some purpose: making guys like Brian McKnight look awesome.
When you look at Adam Levine, is your first thought, "Wow, this guy must be awesome at golf?"
Yeah, that's what I thought.
The current Haney Project cast member is clearly not a future PGA star, but that didn't seem to bother him too much. As he told it, the only reason he wanted to take up golf was because "all his buddies play" and he felt left out.
His attitude left a little to be desired: He also said that growing up, he was "programmed to hate everything about" golf.
Clearly, things didn't bode well for him and the sport. That much was obvious even before he tried to swing.
Elton John is good at many things. Creating smash hit records, for example. Composing Disney soundtracks.
Tennis, however, is not his strong suit.
The pop legend runs an annual charity tennis tournament, which warms the heart, even if his actual on-court performance does not. Even having Pete Sampras as a partner didn't help him in the least.
No one can ever forget the time Carly Rae Jepsen attempted to throw out the first pitch at a Tampa Bay Rays game last summer.
The creator of The Most Annoying Song on the Planet stepped onto the mound. She wound up. She let the ball fly. And fly it did.
It was quite possibly the worst first pitch ever thrown, trickling along a path that was about 15 feet outside the batter's box, never mind the strike zone.
But at least she was a good sport about it. And at least it happened at the Trop, so no one was around to see it.