Mick Jagger once said, "You can't always get what you want."
The sentiment rings true, but then again, Mick Jagger had never seen repeating video of otters dunking basketballs when he wrote those words.
As it stands, GIFs of animals playing sports are the one and only exception to the age-old rule that you "can't have your cake and eat it, too." The truth is that you can have video of a bear playing tetherball, and you can can feast upon it forever without clicking, thinking or doing anything.
Such is the nature of .GIFs—the replenishing fountains of joy that never run dry.
With that, the following are the finest GIFs of animals playing sports that the Internet has to offer. May your cup runneth over with LOLs.
He signaled for inside heat, but Rin Tin Tin will catch anything that goes over the plate.
Sure, you hate having to buy a Vizio every time you break out MLB 2K13, but at least you're not stranded with an overpaid golden retriever who refuses to block home plate because it has "papers."
Awesomeness Level: Cheez Whiz-powered jet pack.
It's difficult to cope with, but soccer-playing elephants are real, and they live amongst us.
To be specific, most of them live in Nepal—where games of mounted elephant soccer are played in a tournament-style format. I know, the world is an insane, beautiful orb sometimes.
Awesomeness Level: "The Ranch Hands"—a team of cowboy vigilantes who drop criminals off outside the police station with a sleeve of Ranch Pringles duct-taped to their wrists.
The only sad part about a polar bear playing with a basketball is when you realize it has tighter handles than certain NBA big men.
Awesomeness Level: Hold me closer, Tony Danza.
[Local news reporter standing in front palm trees]
"That's right, Diane! A Florida woman has taught her bird 'Skeeter' to skateboard on a skateboard, saying it's a metaphor for the way society has [buzzword-heavy garbage]."
Awesomeness Level: Pet parrot that repeats Samuel L. Jackson quotes and pukes up $20 bills.
Here are dogs with GoPro Cams catching waves because the world isn't always awful. One of them surfs backwards, because he doesn't need your rules.
And while it's unclear where the original footage of these doggies comes from, I like to think it was taken at the Fifth Annual Dog Surfing Competition in Huntington Beach, California.
Awesomeness Level: All dog remake of Point Break.
This is a bear playing tetherball, and if you're concerned with whether or not tetherball counts as a "real sport," you and I have vastly different life priorities.
Awesomeness Level: Meanwhile, in Russia...
Going against every law in the house cat kingdom, this embattled feline ran away from home and gave its life to mastering the music of the surf.
Also, it's scared as hell of dogs, which is more natural.
Awesomeness Level: Christopher Walken narrating A Christmas Story.
If you ever tried to skateboard at some point in your life and gave up after a few spills on the concrete, just remember—where you failed, a Jack Russell Terrier succeeded.
Awesomeness Level: "Roman Times"—a Roman Coliseum-themed restaurant where diners eat grapes and steak, while employees dressed up as gladiators "battle to the death" in a sandpit filled with trapdoors.
If it's your birthday, you get to be the emperor and decide who lives and who perishes.
Because there's no rule that says a dog can't play soccer.
Awesomeness Level: Laser tag (played in MechWarrior suits).
Alright, so he's not executing bicycle kicks or using his hands to win Argentina a World Cup.
That being said, "Triton" the lion is the only cat in his habitat who gets off his lazy, pinnacle predator behind and goes after the soccer ball when the keepers offer it. He appreciates the game more than any other big cat, and for that he deserve some credit.
Awesomeness Level: A phone application that generates clever, personalized Facebook posts for your friends' birthdays.
Three dribbles a game, great alley oops.
Bark Griffin dog doesn't waste time with "jumpers." I apologize for that pun.
Awesomeness Level: Cyborg ninja dodgeball.
Get it? Tony "Parakeet" instead of Tony Hawk? Because it's a skateboarding bird?
I'll see myself out.
Awesomeness Level: Flamethrower battle in a valley of raw bacon.
"His name is 'Nutty the Squirrel,' and he is three years old. How about that? That squirrel can waterski!"
When you're at your weakest, loneliest state, just remember—somewhere out there, there's a squirrel in a tiny lifejacket waterskiing in a pool of Mello Yello. Feel better? Me too.
Awesomeness Level: Carlton Dance on top of a tank.
Had this dog been on the other side of the net, Maverick and Goose would've been mercy-ruled in that oily beach volleyball match.
Awesomeness Level: Les Miserables: Alien vs. Predator Edition.
Here's to Goalie Dog: Definitive proof that even a golden retriever would've fared better than Goldberg from the The Mighty Ducks.
Also, the Air Bud franchise really missed out on an opportunity here.
Awesomeness Level: Pneumatic Bang Bang shrimp launcher.
Back before the "no nipping" rules and ear-pinning regulations, the Puppy Bowl was a regal and respected moment in sport. Dogs were dogs, and they weren't docked a week's kibbles every time someone made a hit above the collar.
Nowadays, they might as well put bells on them and call it the "Kitty Bowl." CAN I GET AN AMEN? Thank you.
Awesomeness Level: Wine in a can.
It happens time and again: They muster up a strong college campaign and get drafted early in the first round, but these semi-aquatic mammals out of Georgetown have a nasty habit of getting to the next level and disappearing.
Awesomeness Level: Chariot drawn by possums—possums of war.
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