The Most Epic Hair in Sports
It might be Movember this month—allowing every man on the planet to have an excuse for growing a sick 'stache without getting in trouble with their ladies—but instead of celebrating some of the hair on a dude's face, I'm taking a look at the hair on their head instead.
Over the years, we've seen some seriously whack hairstyles from athletes, giving us memories that either haunt us or make us laugh—sometimes both.
There are a lot of contenders, but only a few athletes can actually stake claim to joining the "Most Epic Hair" in all of sports—and these are them.
Honorable Mention: Andre Ellington
OK, so Arizona Cardinals running back Andre Ellington's hair might not appear to be any different than the other athletes who have braids, but it was a pretty hot commodity this past weekend against the Jacksonville Jaguars when defender Jason Babin actually grabbed a handful of it.
For having the most-wanted hair, Ellington wins.
I don't know what to think about the mohawk that Miami Heat forward Chris Andersen has.
It's clearly his signature 'do at this point—and definitely matches his wild, tatted-up personality—but it seems more suited for someone on Jersey Shore than an NBA champion.
No less, fans love his energy and high-flying antics, so it works for him—even if he does scare people everywhere he goes.
To be frank, Oakland Raiders' owner Mark Davis' hair is absolutely disgusting.
You'd think that a guy who can afford to own a professional football team—even if it was inherited—would have enough money to get a proper cut.
The dude looks like a combination between Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber and that creepy science teacher we all seemed to have in middle school—but maybe that's what he's going for?
I understand the whole looking good part, but it kind of amazes me that any baseball player would spend time even thinking about styling their hair since it's hidden under a hat or batting helmet the entire game.
Nevertheless, Washington Nationals young star Bryce Harper knows that in the rare cases he's caught hatless, he needs to look good for the cameras, showing off his mega-bro, Esquire-esque coif.
At the very least, it does beat that whole raccoon look he had going on before this.
Bringing it back to the old school earlier this year, Los Angeles Lakers guard Nick Young showed that his New Edition haircut never goes out of style.
He seems to be channeling inspiration from a mid-'80s R&B group, but I'm not really sure what to call this thing.
Is it a mullet or something we have yet to define?
Either way, it definitely has quite the party going on in the back.
Clay Matthews III
If I had the long, golden locks that Green Bay Packers defender Clay Matthews III has, I wouldn't be shy about showing them off.
That's why when he flips his hair back to put his helmet on, it is absolutely acceptable by me—even if it is a little feminine.
Look, the dude might not have that hair when he gets older, so he needs to flaunt it as much as he can while he's got it.
This one is definitely gnarly.
Although Chicago Blackhawks star Patrick Kane doesn't sport his trademark mullet year-round—hoping that the extra length will bring extra luck to his team during the postseason—it's one that has caught my attention.
The Hawks are the defending Stanley Cup champs, so Kane probably shouldn't change a thing if his team makes the playoffs again. I'd recommend doing something similar to this fan just to make it a little more rad, though.
After seeing current Philadelphia 76ers rookie Nerlens Noel incorporate his amazing flat top into the announcement of his college decision last year, I instantly became a fan.
Bringing it back to the Kid 'n Play days, Noel might not play in a game this season, but that shouldn't stop him from focusing on one thing and one thing only—growing that high-top fade to epic proportions in time for next season's first game.
Known simply as the "Most Interesting Analyst in the World," ESPN's Barry Melrose also happens to have one of the best manes of anyone at the Worldwide Leader.
As cool as a cucumber, with his slicked back style and hockey knowledge, Melrose wasn't always the OG (original gangster) that he is now when it comes to his hair. I won't hold it against him, though.
It's not that Cristiano Ronaldo does anything in particular with his hair that makes it wild and crazy like some of the other athletes on my list, it's that he's adored by so many people that they actually want to see what trendy cut he'll go with next.
CR7 is larger than life and is one of the most metro dudes on the planet, so it's no wonder he likes to change up his style every few months.
I'm nearly at a loss for words when it comes to former NHL defenseman Mike Commodore's fiery afro.
The good news is that it's all his, with a uniqueness matched by nearly no other athlete—especially when he grows out that man beard of his with which to team it.
The bad news is that it looks hideous—but at least he has fun with it.
It's not that LeBron James makes this list because his hair is crazy or anything, it's that so many people are obsessed with his receding hairline that it's become a joke.
Although LeBron seems a bit self-conscious about the fact he's losing his hair, he did test the laws of genetics when he nearly shaved it all off this summer.
Thankfully for him—and everyone who needs to find something for which to poke fun of him—it has since grown back.
For as long as anyone can remember, Chicago Bulls forward Joakim Noah has had his shoulder-length locks—though he prefers to wear his hair in a weird bun during games.
When it does actually fall down, though, one can see that it rivals Pittsburgh Steelers defender Troy Polamalu for some of the longest in professional sports.
That doesn't make it any more respectable, but I just thought I'd mention it.
Belgian and Manchester United midfielder Marouane Fellaini's hairdo is stuff of legends.
No joke, just look at how perfect his afro is, looking more like a wig than anything someone would buy at a costume shop for Halloween.
Bro, just pick it out and let it breathe; it's sick.
With apologies to those diehard dart fans out there, I had never heard of Simon Whitlock before putting together this article.
After reading that it takes him up to nine hours to braid his hair, though, I had to pay my respect to the Australian hurler here. That's damn impressive.
One might call the finished product a "bullseye,"—zing!
That's just about the only word I can use to describe the magnitude of what Philadelphia Flyers alternate captain Scott Hartnell does with his hair.
Even after trimming it off for charity a few years ago, Hartnell refused to keep it clean, deciding to grow it right back out.
I know his mates call him "Bird Dogg," but if there was ever a guy who should be named either "Big Red" or "Curly," he is it.
Although he doesn't wear it as plucked out as much anymore now that he's shaved it off, Oakland Athletics outfielder Coco Crisp gave us fans a glimpse of one of the best throwback afros ever.
It may have appeared hard to maintain all that hair under his hat, but Crisp's dome actually came off as less wild than some of the old school dudes from the '70s—most notably, Oscar Gamble.
I think it's time to plead with legendary wrestler Hulk Hogan to finally cut his hair.
Dear Hulk, I understand that you've been tossing dudes around the ring for nearly 30 years now, but the skullet you've got going on really is a little disgusting.
Might I suggest either trimming up your recognizable platinum locks, or just, dare I say it, buzz it all off?
I won't wrestle you for it, but maybe you should consider it, brother.
I'd really like to know if legendary boxing promoter Don King's hair naturally stands up as if he got electrocuted when he rolls out of bed or if he spends an insane amount of time trying to get the whole shocked look on his own.
I'm not sure what King looked like when he was younger, but if he rocked this hairstyle, I applaud his confidence when trying to get the ladies.
I'm not hating on current L.A. Lakers center Chris Kaman's hair now, but when playing for the Clippers a few seasons ago, one couldn't help but stare at what was going on up there.
Much like the aforementioned Hulk Hogan, Kaman is lacking a certain fullness required to make long hair look good, making him look more like a ghoul than cool.
The sad thing is that even after he shaved it, he still looked frightening.
I'd love to go into detail as to why current Cleveland Cavaliers center Andrew Bynum falls so high on this list, but in case you somehow missed it, just look at that picture of him and I think you'll understand.
Assuming you saw any of his numerous hairstyles last year while sitting out the season with the Sixers, you'll completely understand why Bynum's hair needs to get recognized.
I personally love his explanation for it. Enjoy.
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady has three Super Bowl rings and a supermodel wife, and one could make an argument that he's the best quarterback to ever play.
Yet back in 2011, it was his hair that actually stole the headlines once he showed up with it cut.
Mel Kiper Jr.
Fact: ESPN's Mel Kiper Jr.'s hair looks like a steel trap that would bite any hand off that dares to try and touch it.
As fierce as Kiper is when debating with fellow draft analyst Todd McShay, nothing compares to how stiff and intimidating his lion-like mane is.
I'm not sure what he uses to keep that thing in place, but, by God, it's working.
I mentioned the anticipating and mild obsession that fans have with Cristiano Ronaldo's hairdo, but it pales in comparison to what recently retired footballer David Beckham has had to deal with in his career.
Becks has seemingly had every single hairstyle known to man, almost as if he just put his face on a hair simulator to see how it'd look on him before actually going with it.
He keeps it businesslike now, but no one will forget some of the different cuts he had before.
Rather than explaining current FC Kuban Krasnodar's forward Djibril Cissé's many different hairstyles, just take a look at some of the outrageous looks he's had over the years.
It doesn't matter if it's a mohawk or bleached blonde with a crazy design dyed in it, this dude holds nothing back when it comes to pushing the limits.
I guess he realizes that it'll always just grow out and he can cut it if it doesn't look good.
While I must commend Pittsburgh Steelers safety Troy Polamalu for his gesture to cut his hair for veterans, it turns out that it's actually going to be just a few locks, not the entire thing.
No less, well played, Troy.
I guess we couldn't have expected a guy who has his hair insured for $1 million to just go nuts and chop everything, right?
In a way I'm relieved—it's too fun seeing him run around with his flowing hair, and I wouldn't want to see him play without it.