I know it's early, but have you seen the divisional standings in the NBA?
No, not in the Pacific Division. That one's doing better than expected. Certainly not the perennially competitive Southwest Division, either.
I'm talking, instead, about the Atlantic Division. Between the grim Gotham duo of the New York Knicks and the Brooklyn Nets, the teetering Toronto Raptors and the tank-tastic Boston Celtics and Philadelphia 76ers, there's no fivesome that's more of an eyesore than this one.
And at this rate, it's only going to get worse, considering those last three teams are currently leading the pack.
I could blabber on and on in great detail about the mediocrity of this particular medley, but I wouldn't want half the Eastern seaboard either depressed to tears, filled with rage or both. Instead, here are some insane numbers to wrap your mind around that'll give you a sense of just how subpar this slew of squads is right now.
That's how many teams there are in the Atlantic Division that are currently drowning under the .500 mark. For those keeping score at home, that also happens to be the number of teams in the Atlantic Division period.
The 5-7 Sixers are currently in the driver's seat for the division crown, even though they went out of their way to be in pole position for the Andrew Wiggins sweepstakes. I suppose "5" could stand for the number of wins Philly has racked up already, including surprising results opposite the Miami Heat, the Houston Rockets and the Chicago Bulls.
Check the top eight of the Eastern Conference standings right now. Notice how many Atlantic Division teams are in there?
That's the combined winning percentage of the Atlantic Division right now. That's also what happens when you win 19 games and lose 36 more.
Which team will finish at the bottom of the Atlantic Division?
Going by ESPN's numbers, that's how many games decided by 10 points or more in which an Atlantic Division team has been on the losing side out of 22 tries. That comes out to a winning percentage of .318.
Which means, so far, an Atlantic Division team has been more than twice as likely to wind up on the losing end of a blowout than on the winning one.
That's how many double-digit losses have thus far been racked up the division-leading Sixers. Only the 1-11 Utah Jazz, who've been pummeled by an average of 11.5 points per night, have more losses by 10 or more points, with a whopping eight on their resume to date.
That's how many points by which the entire division has been outscored so far in 55 games. That comes out to an average of 4.7 points per game.
Which is to say, the average result for an Atlantic Division team this season has been a five-point loss.
The Atlantic Division has lost 14 straight games.— Michael Levin (@Michael_Levin) November 20, 2013
On Tuesday night, the New York Knicks succumbed to the Detroit Pistons, 92-86, and the Boston Celtics were blown out by the Houston Rockets, 109-85.
Something tells me that if you put two Atlantic Division teams in the same game right now, they both might find a way to wind up in the loss column. We'll find out on Wednesday night...:
Because the Sixers play the Raptors tomorrow, someone in the Atlantic Division is guaranteed to win a game!— Michael Levin (@Michael_Levin) November 20, 2013
That's the combined payroll of the Atlantic Division (per ShamSports), tops among all NBA divisions. On average, that comes out to $74,493,153. If that were actually the case, all five teams would be considered luxury-tax spenders.
The Brooklyn Nets, with their aging and injury-riddled roster of big names, are way out in front (of the entire league, not just the division) at $102.2 million. On the flip side, the Sixers, at just over $40 million in payroll obligations, are by far the chintziest in The Association.
Got any other Atlantic Division-related crooked numbers you think should be put on blast? Send 'em my way on Twitter!