Kids Who Know More About Sports Than You Do
Generally speaking, kids have a lot a great qualities, they're adorable, funny (sometimes intentionally) and a reminder of why the naive, hopefulness of youth is awesome. Sure, there's always going to be some child that is wretched or just plain mean, but that's usually our fault.
One thing most kids are not, is a stickler for details; a stats geek obsessed with the tale of the numbers.
The average adult probably doesn't occupy his time by learning about the new practice squad long-snapper, so expecting someone who struggles to not hurt himself or break your things, without close supervision, is a little unrealistic.
However, some future fantasy league manager with an iron fist is laying the groundwork for a life of knowing more than you ever wanted to about pitching rotations or FCS football mascots is sitting in a kindergarten classroom right now.
And from this human sports encyclopedia set is a standout group of kids who could give a lot of grownup jags like you and me a run for our money when it comes to certain sports factoids.
These are kids who already know more about sports than you.
Tiny Penguins Fan Shows That Reciting Your ABCs Is for Chumps
Okay, cynics...if you watch hockey, especially Penguins Hockey, this four year old kid doesn't know more than you; and even if he does, you could probably fake your way through it and..at least..make the comparison inconclusive.
But, what he's still a pretty impressive little ragamuffin and any new hockey fan is a victory for the sport. Plus, if you extrapolate his skills as a four year old to your current age...oh man...no contest.
Young Jets Fan Eats from the Tree of Knowledge
While the mental state of this weeping little fan of the J-E-T-S is certainly all too familiar, the fact he is filled with such knowledge; such terrible, terrible knowledge truly underscores the long, sad journey he's embarked on.
I do not doubt the youngest Jets fans have cried after losing a big game before, but it's hard to believe that many of them truly felt the full-weight of the green-and-white burden—a burden made all the worse by the statistical hopelessness of the playoff math.
If It Were a Thing, He'd Crush AP Sabermetrics
Manhattan-area teen Omri Shefet gained notoriety as the middle-schooler who kind of sucked at typical middle-school classwork, but is a virtual sports wiki; capable of ticking off names, positions while also crunching numbers.
His uncanny ability endeared him to students and staff alike at East Side Middle School and is yet another example of why what you learn in high school is far less valuable than just getting the damn thing done (for most people.)
Shefet's unique penchant for absorbing sports-related information drew wider attention when he was one of the five unfortunate Manhattan eight graders who were picked in 2012 during the annual life-ruiner known as the New York City public high school lottery.
He's enrolled and fine now, but...great job NYC school system for snubbing a kid who is great at something way more important than gym class.
Young Broadcaster Already Better in Booth Than Joe Theismann
It's easy to pick on sports broadcasters, because a mistake on the air is amplified to epic proportions and when you have to fill up hours and hours with compelling information about a sport, athlete or game that isn't always compelling...it's easy to lose yourself down a verbal rabbit hole that leads to mundane nonsense.
But, let's not fool ourselves, for better or worse, sports broadcasters have to know a lot of things about a sport we'd never willfully burn into out brains.
So what high school senior Blake Tarrants, who has been blind since he was 1 1/2 years-old, is accomplishing is all the more impressive. He runs his high school sports radio program and has won over many of those who are in the business.
Hopefully Dad Skips the Steroids Era
Just under two-years-old, Xander is more than toddler with a badass name: he's an enthusiastic young student of the game.
Surely a child that is lovely to be around, friends of family probably can't help and feel guilty for fury he inspires as a stark contrast to their lego-gnawing whirling dervish.
Haters are gonna hate (unless of course this rivalry I've completely fabricated in my head is way, way off base.)
Five-Year Old Will Ask "Do You Understand?", You Will Say "No."
This cutie's mother describes what this little guy is doing as "allocat[ing] teams to their respective leagues" which alone instantly shuts my brain down; and he's talking about soccer.
The rules and league structures of FIFA and all the lower level pro clubs are confusing enough as it is; so even if this youngin' was a jaded 20-something, I'd be impressed.
This Kid Will Almost Certainly Have a Mustache Later in Life
Unless you're a fan of the sport, there's a fair chance that the ins-and-outs of the NASCAR are largely unknown territory—from who's driving what car for what team, to the numbers, points and the race itself.
Growing up, even if you were never a huge fan any particular major pro sport, they're so culuturally ubiquitous that at least some basic knowledge is going to rub off on you. If you don't grow up a NASCAR fan, the sport doesn't grab you around the collar and scream, "Stop ignoring me!"
Four when this clip was made in 2007, this adorable NASCAR-fan-in-training deserves a round of applause for his know-how about each driver and their car. And, I like the style of the guy behind the camera—toy cars are legit study aids.
Kid Benefits from Father's College Football Indoctrination Program
Four-year-old Carson is obviously the apple of his Dad's eye; as well as the subject of a maniacal experiment to create some kind of super sports knowledge wizard (even if the methods are as grizzled as this one.)
A lot of folks have no desire to memorize the logos and mascots of the American Athletic Division and across the college football landscape many teams, quite frankly, don't merit the time and effort. Regardless, the Carson Experiment, seems to be on track.
Toddler Knows All the NFL's Teams, Already Primed for Trolling
You have to love the fact that not only does this little guy have an amazing grasp of the NFL's team names and major personalities for a two year old, he's already exhibiting all the signs of a message board flaming troll.
Obviously, Dad has a lot of influence when Ben refers to the Cowboys as Cowgirls, but his understanding of how crucial it is to make that distinction demonstrates innate jaggery that simply can't be taught.
You've been warned future visitors of the ESPN Holographic Message Board Dome.
Boy Faces Reality Faster Than Most NFL Fans
One of the reasons children are often crappy sports fans (faithful, but crappy), is they haven't fully developed the sense of personal torment and helpless doom an adult sports fan can only truly develop through experience.
They're too preoccupied by insignificant things like fun, cookies and that weird bug carcass on the window sill to create an irrational link between Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and a lifetime of grievances.
This poor soul however, through the weight of knowledge itself, is years ahead of schedule. He knows Tom Brady isn't going to give the game away, but put the nail in the coffin.
Little Kings Fan Is Going to Win a Lotta Arguments During His Life
Few sights are more precious than a be-jerseyed little hockey fan who knows the healthy scratches ahead of the puck-drop.
This five year old Kings Fan is so ballertronic, that not only does he have just a boatload of knowledge at an age when learning typically squeezes in an appointment between wanton destruction and whining, he's unflappable with a microphone in his face and a crowd surrounding him.
And, I know for a fact, most sports fans who only casually follow hockey would wilt under the pressure.
Toddler Is Going to Be a Fountain of Useless Baseball Facts
No sport intentionally produces more mind numbing statistics, which are gleefully processed by fans and journalists, than Major League Baseball.
This obsession gave us sabermetrics, "Billy Ball" and countless books, blogs, harshly color-schemed Angelfire home pages and Nate Silver.
Baseball exists in this state if for no other reason than that any given game offers hundreds of weird scenarios and factors that influence decisions before, after and during it.
It's advanced enough a mental exercise for the average sports fan, but imagine what it takes for a friggin' two year old to wrap their head around it.
This kid is a genius in my eyes.
3-Year-Old Girl Is Future Sports Trivia Ringer
Kalee Buetow is going to make her girlfriends secretly hate her one day: At just the age of three, she likely already knows more about her favorite team, the Seahawks, those jealous girls she shames in the future.
While just being a smart toddler who's capable of rattling off the three-deep Seahawks roster is good enough on it's own merits, she is clearly almost too cute for words.
So, good luck future ladies of the greater Seattle metro area; your going to contend with an adorable girl who loves football and can talk about it.