Gifts We Would Give These Star Athletes

Garrett BakerSenior Analyst INovember 28, 2013

Gifts We Would Give These Star Athletes

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    Jeff Gross/Getty Images

    Holiday season is just around the corner, so it is time to give some gifts to our favorite star athletes.

    These athletes inspire and entertain us, so it is only right for us to give something back. Whether they make us laugh, cheer, cry, wince or something in between, they all deserve a little something special as we approach the holiday season.

    Let us know which gifts you would give to your favorite athlete in the comment section. 'Tis the season.

We'd Give Dwyane Wade Full-Length Pants

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    Why did Dwyane Wade wear those pants? Did he think he looked good? Did he think it was a fashion statement? Is he just pranking everyone?

    I don't know the answer to those questions. I do know that Wade should never, ever wear those pants again. Any other normal-length pants would do. 

We'd Get Andrew Wiggins a Good Publicist

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    Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

    Death, taxes and Andrew Wiggins being the first overall pick in the 2014 NBA draft. So what do we get the 18-year-old kid who has the weight of the basketball world on his shoulders?

    He has been compared to LeBron James already. He will be 100 percent in the social media craze and spotlight, more so than any other prospect. We forget that Twitter and Instagram were not even invented when King James entered the NBA.

    We all wish the best for Wiggins, no matter where he ends up playing. But he's going to need some help along the way. He can thank us later.

We'd Give Superman Calvin Johnson Pajamas

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    Leon Halip/Getty Images

    This originally was going to be Calvin Johnson getting Superman pajamas, but it's probably more appropriate this way.

    His recent statistics are outrageous. In the past three games, he has 29 receptions, five touchdowns and a 329-yard outing against the Cowboys.

    The highlights from that Dallas game are unbelievable. Johnson is the most dominant athlete in sports right now, and he really is the NFL's Superman.

We'd Get Ryan Tannehill a Massage Tub

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    Jim Rogash/Getty Images

    When looking for a picture for this slide, it was almost funny (and pretty sad) how many options there were for an image of Tannehill getting creamed.

    He has been sacked 37 times this season, for most in the NFL. He is on pace to shatter the Dolphins' current single-season sack record. His offensive line is in shambles, and the second-year quarterback could probably use a massage tub to ease all the pain from the pounding he has taken this year.

We'd Give Ilya Bryzgalov a Telescope

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    Regardless of how his career finishes out on the ice, Ilya Bryzgalov will forever be known for his quirky thoughts on the universe, which he shared when the Philadelphia Flyers were featured on HBO's 24/7.

    He also visited a space center in his home country of Russia last winter and let us know a few interesting things about being an astronaut, his second-choice profession.

    He even pointed out that "the problem with monkeys, they push the wrong buttons." Thanks, Bryz.

    Who knows what he would say if he had a telescope that would let him see just how "humongous big" the universe actually is?

We'd Give Adrian Beltre and Elvis Andrus Their Own TV Show

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    Jeff Gross/Getty Images

    Adrian Beltre does not like people touching his head. Elvis Andrus really likes bothering Beltre. They are both hilarious on their own but even more entertaining together.

    This slideshow does a much better job of describing their relationship than I could, so make sure you check it out. The bottom line is that if a camera followed Beltre and Andrus before, during and after games, it would be the most entertaining show on television.

    Someone please make this happen.

We'd Give Brian Wilson a Razor

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    Elsa/Getty Images

    Current free agent Brian Wilson was once the best closer in baseball and won a World Series with the San Francisco Giants. He was revered for his power on the mound, quirky attitude and crazy beard.

    But according to Mark Feinsand of the New York Daily News, that beard is keeping him unemployed.

    So let's give Wilson a quality razor, so he can get a job.

    Brian Wilson's agent told Brian Cashman that Wilson won't shave his beard. "Cross him off the list," Cashman said.

    — Mark Feinsand (@FeinsandNYDN) November 13, 2013

We'd Get Dustin Pedroia Acting Lessons

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    I'm not sure what we are supposed to do when watching this commercial. Laugh? Cry? Wince? Shield our eyes? Call Sullivan Tire Auto Service? 

    In a world full of hilariously awkward commercials featuring pro athletes, this one might take the cake. For Dustin Pedroia's sake, acting lessons would be beneficial. 

We'd Give Marshawn Lynch a Map

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    Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

    Marshawn Lynch has developed into a standout running back for the Seattle Seahawks, but once upon a time he was a first-round draft pick of the Buffalo Bills.

    He was excited at the time, because he thought that he was heading to New York City to play in the Big Apple. He was in for a rude awakening when he stepped off the plane in slush-covered Buffalo.

    The West Coast kid obviously needs a map. University of California, Berkeley, everyone.

We'd Get Jameis Winston a New Eye Doctor

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    Streeter Lecka/Getty Images

    For as good as Jameis Winston has been this season, is it possible that something has held him back from being even better? During the past couple of night games against Clemson and Miami, cameras have caught him squinting while looking to the sidelines for plays.

    Apparently he wears contacts off the field, but he insists that he can see fine and play fine without them.

    No matter what he says, it's biologically impossible for him not to benefit from wearing his contacts. A new optometrist would tell Winston to just suck it up and wear them.

We'd Get Joseph Fauria Dance Dance Revolution

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    Rookie tight end Joseph Fauria has made quite a name for himself. He has taken on a more prominent role in the Detroit Lions' red-zone offense, catching five touchdowns thus far.

    But what he does after his touchdowns has gained him even more notoriety. Check out all the GIFs from Fauria's touchdown celebrations this season from Bleacher Report's own Jake Silver.

    A new Dance Dance Revolution came out in 2013, which is such perfect timing. Clearly, the man just wants to dance.