You know those scenes in movies when the the walls in a room purposefully begin to close in on a poor soul stuck inside? The walls inch closer to the victim-to-be slowly, of course, for added effect. And there are sometimes spikes planted on each side to add to the suspense. You know these movies.
I imagine being stuck in this room would be a lot like playing Alabama.
The only difference is that the character in these films often finds a way to escape the scene. Perhaps an outsider spoils the plan, or there's a break in electricity, or a MacGyver-like effort works seconds before the first spike makes contact.
Against Alabama, however, there is no last-minute saving. You wait to be crushed, and then you are crushed. There is hope at the beginning—as LSU had deep into its game in Tuscaloosa—but help does not arrive. There is no escaping what’s coming, and eventually it happens.
Most of the weekend’s biggest games went as planned. Well, minus Oregon-Stanford. Elsewhere there was a broken trophy followed by a Jerry Kill dance party, a horrendous safety call, a hypnotic LSU dinosaur fan and much more. Oh, and Nick Saban was happy. It was weird, man.
Here’s what I loved and hated about Week 11.
So, the “We Want Bama” stuff didn’t work out so well for Oregon on a T-shirt, but that didn’t stop one Ball State fan from unleashing the marker trash talk in the team’s midweek matchup against Central Michigan.
There have been more quality signs created, but the sixth-grade level craftsmanship only adds to the greatness here. And you know what? Good on ‘em.
Ball State has to get through Northern Illinois first—and it will have that chance next week—but until then, the Alabama dream should remain hilariously alive.
The name of this Youtube video is "Ohio gets screwed," and by golly does it sum up the entire scene brilliantly.
This play came much earlier this week—and midweek football can always be filed under the "Love" department always—although that doesn’t change the fact that this was one of the worst calls we’ve seen this year.
Ohio quarterback Tyler Tettleton was pressured, and he was unable to escape the pocket when he threw a pass. The problem? He was ruled to be in the end zone when he did—which he clearly wasn’t—and a safety was called on intentional grounding.
The play was upheld because spot fouls could not be reviewed, and even the Pac-12 officials are impressed by the hilarity.
Most muffed punts end in chaos, sometimes in a turnover, and usually in cursing from a head coach who just finished scripting his dream plays on first and second down only to scrap them.
Auburn’s Chris Davis bucked this trend against Tennessee, however, when he dropped the punt and then proceeded to take it 85 yards to the end zone.
There was no panic, no chaotic dive for a loose football. Davis picked up the fumble, hit the juke button a few times with vengeance, and was gone with a wall of blockers in front of him.
This is the proper way to muff a punt.
Goodnight, Governor's Victory Bell Trophy. Or, at the very least, we wish you nothing but the best in your upcoming reconstructive surgery.
After Minnesota beat Penn State—an eight-win Minnesota team, I might add—the Gophers celebrated in the best way possible.
BY DESTORYING THE TROPHY. Man, that's metal.
Oh, like you wouldn’t destroy anything after winning your fourth consecutive conference game for the first time in 40 years. At this point, Minnesota is destroying everything in sight, and that included fragile pieces of wood and a bell that is celebrated yearly.
Let’s stay in Minnesota and give the Gophers more love. After all, they deserve it.
2013 has been a wonderful year for them, but it by no means has come easy. Head coach Jerry Kill’s epilepsy has again become an issue, and he’s had to stand in the press box rather than on the sidelines because of it.
That hasn’t stopped the Gophers from winning, and it didn’t stop Kill from celebrating the victory in the locker room with his team.
I’ve watched this more than 10 times, and it has given me chills each time through. It’s why we love the sport. Dance on, Jerry Kill. Goodness, do you deserve this moment.
At this point, the targeting ejection rule should be a weekly feature under "hate."
It was hastily implemented—especially considering the productive nature of the reviewed suspensions last year—and the confusion seen around the country is not a surprise.
Notre Dame’s Stephon Tuitt is the latest player to be caught in this conundrum, and his hit on Pittsburgh’s quarterback caused his night to end shortly after it began.
His tackling should have been better, and his head should have been up. That’s undeniable.
But when the quarterback lowers his helmet and changes the level of contact, what exactly is he supposed to do?
Until the sport can police this with any consistency, we should go back to how it was a short time ago—flag the play and review following the game. Getting it right should be more important than doing so quickly.
This. Was. Awesome.
Myles Jack is a true freshman for UCLA, and it looks as if he’s going to be one heck of a linebacker for Jim Mora. The problem, however, is that this young man also might be one of the best running backs in the Pac-12 if they let him carry it enough.
Wait, is this actually a problem? Also, am I living in a video game?
Jack carried the ball six times for 120 yards and also found the end zone on this crafty 66-yard run against Arizona. No, he is not your created player. He is a real person, and this real person also recovered a fumble and had eight tackles in the same game.
Next up? Let’s see if you can kick/punt, Jack. (He probably can, because he is likely a football cyborg.)
"Hated" is too strong of word to use in this instance. Confused, terrified, perplexed and “Honey grab your things and get to the car; the world is apparently ending” seem more appropriate.
After Alabama’s win against LSU, Nick Saban was...happy. He smiled and even jumped into his quarterback’s arms.
It was a strange (but welcomed) scene from a coach who has "serious" permanently installed on his face. But in some ways, this trip out of our football comfort zone was also concerning. We’re just not used to these kinds of emotions.
Have no fear, football fans. I imagine Saban will be back to his usual self next week when Mississippi State finally crosses the 50 in the middle of the third quarter. Oh, he will be back.
The moment this happened, I immediately made good use of my DVR.
There’s no possible way that LSU dude was just acting like a dinosaur, was there?
Oh, there was. And then the Internet went to work.
Following an LSU touchdown, the cameras panned to the LSU-filled portion of Alabama’s stadium, and there was this gentleman. His excitement was so great that he celebrated the only way he knows how: by getting his dino on.
The form is pretty pristine. In fact, it’s so solid you can assume he has had ample practice.
Now, if we can get Les Miles to join in on the act—(Internet breaks just thinking about the scene).
Maybe this isn’t the end, but this was likely the last time Johnny Manziel played in front of his home fans. In all likelihood, Manziel will declare for the NFL draft—who can blame him?—and he will take his unthinkable talents to the next level.
In his final home game, however, Manziel delivered the goods. Yes, he turned the ball over a few times, but he also came up with one last ridiculous double-spin move for the home fans.
Why do one spin move and complete a beautiful throw when you can add another before making said beautiful throw?
Johnny [expletive deleted] Football. That is all.