The Brooklyn Nets made their intentions known this summer—they are attempting to win it all with old-school basketball.
But thanks to a hilarious new Funny or Die skit, the Nets are promising to go further back in the basketball archives than anyone could have imagined.
Deron Williams, Paul Pierce, Shaun Livingston and Tyshawn Taylor promise hoops heads that Brooklyn's ready to bring back the "true values" of the sport. Highlight dunks, flashy handles and three-point bombs are gone; embarrassingly short shorts, over-sized afros, ankle-breaking shoes and "small, out-of-shape white guys" are back.
Pierce lets the world know that the new shorts "chafe like hell," but you have to wonder if John Stockton or the 2007-08 Los Angeles Lakers would agree. I'm thinking no on the former, but an emphatic yes from the latter.
Don't expect any Julius Erving-type flights with the old-school kicks. It doesn't matter that dunks would be banned; "I'm not jumping in these shorts, anyway," Williams says.
As for the afros, Pierce claims the 'do is "worse than the shorts," then quickly corrects himself by saying "actually, nothing's worse than the shorts." Livingston, perhaps facing a bout of amnesia, claims he hates the hair—maybe he wants us all to forget about his appearance on B/R Featured Columnist Dan Favale's list of the worst haircuts in NBA history.
Flanked by all of those out-of-shape white guys, the Nets promise to fight boredom in the best possible way: playing dodgeball. Sounds fantastic, doesn't it? As the BrooklynGame.com's Devin Kharpertian wrote, "Can I come?"
The biggest question I'm left with, though: How long do we have to wait for the next clip?