Everybody in Atlanta get up, because your Atlanta Hawks have jokes.
The Hawks parodied Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" the only way they knew how—by turning it into the Philips Arena's code of conduct, sans a grotesquely dressed and provocatively dancing Miley Cyrus.
Seriously, following the rules never sounded so good.
This spoof not only features Hawks PA announcer Ryan Cameron singing like Alvin and the Chipmunks, but it's also headlined by a trio of Hawks dancers, Harry the Hawk, a hips-swaying referee who would make Shakira proud and a shuffling police officer. Your childhood tricycle may also make an appearance or two.
Public safety announcements can be so lifeless. Same schtick, different arena. Inebriated chuggers continue to down large amounts of flat, expensive swill and loud-mouthed miscreants—who are often resident chuggers themselves—carry on with their X-rated verbiage.
But Atlanta's safety bulletin resonates with you. When the line "keep safety on your miiiiiiiiind" drops, the first thing you're compelled to do is make sure none of the glass objects around you have shattered. The second thing you're driven to do is keep yourself and your loved ones free from harm.
I'm already inspired to travel in packs, look both ways six times before crossing the street and think twice about asking one of the Hawks cheerleaders for their phone number.
If the words don't get you, seeing Harry the Hawk pummeled by one of the dancers will.
Ever-present danger is a real risk when you journey to an NBA game outside of Candy Land. Alcohol is often involved, enraged fans throw things even when Justin Bieber isn't in the vicinity and those are real fists making their way to your jaw, not Sock'em Boppers.
So heed the high-pitched words of the Hawks, the NBA and Philips Arena. Don't be an animal, like that guy who thinks it's funny to crawl on all fours and caw like Toucan Sam. Don't throw any objects, even if LeBron James is visiting and he flops. And don't use improper language. Screaming "We are the Hawks, the mediocre Hawks" at the top of your lungs, Remember the Titans-style, is a no-no.
Most importantly, make sure you have some good, clean fun, the kind my grandma's grandma would approve of.
Also, Harry the Hawk has a big beak. His parents must be very proud.
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