I once had a job working in the building materials department of a Home Depot. I was an average employee: I was usually on time to work, I helped people load drywall into their trucks and I kept my assigned area fairly clean and tidy.
My one true weakness was driving the forklift though. I could keep it in a straight line and I could do doughnuts but what I hard a hell of a time doing was operating the actual forks with any real precision.
I routinely punctured bags of cement when attempting to bring down a pallet of it from the overhead beams.
Sometimes I would splinter the wood of the pallet so that when I finally had the product on the forks there were loose limbs of wood dangling in several different directions. I wasn't good.
The point I'm making is this: some people just aren't cut out for certain jobs. The men on this list all share that same distinction. None of these NFL owners should have a hand in the day to day running of their respective franchises.
Don't misunderstand, owning a team is one thing but there is a reason other clubs have presidents, general managers, etc., because maybe sometimes an owner should bring in experts and just sign the paychecks.
Before purchasing the Washington Redskins in 1999, Dan Snyder must have attended some secret seminar hosted by Yankee's owner George Steinbrenner on how to spend ridiculous amounts of money on free agents and not win.
Mr. Snyder's urge to win and win now coupled with the itch to constantly meddle in team affairs is only second to Jerry Jones (who I'll get to in a second).
Four of the five owners on this list have no general manager or list themselves as the GM. Mr. Snyder is one of those who apparently believes that once a man spends $800 million on an NFL franchise he will instantly be rewarded with superior football intelligence.
Unfortunately, that's not the case and perhaps one of these days, Mr. Snyder will understand that.
He is though, an undeniably successful man financially and he has done the same with the Redskins. Since he took ownership, Washington has been one of the highest grossing teams in all the league.
Too bad zeroes on checks can't be converted into W's on the scoreboard. This is just a suggestion Mr. Snyder, but perhaps spending some of that incoming revenue on a GM wouldn't hurt more than trading away entire drafts.
Oh Mr. Jones, with the creepy plastic surgery on your face, you are the bane of my existence.
It's not easy being a Cowboys fan. Every other fan in the NFL hates you more than they hate their closest rivals and you in turn hate your owner. Or is it just me?
Question: Will Cowboys fans ever forgive Mr. Jones for firing Tom Landry? THE Tom Landry? In 1996, after the 3rd Super Bowl win in four years, I would've said yes.
Then again, I was 15 so what the hell did I know. Now, after running the savior Jimmy Johnson out of town and enduring 13 years since its last post-season win, I'm more apt to say that maybe they won't forgive.
Not after Dave Campo.
Not after passing on Randy Moss.
Not after adopting petulant man-child Terrell Owens.
And most certainly not after Jerry Jones refuses on a daily basis to hire a GM. You see, when Jimmy Johnson was there, the Cowboys could get by without a person whose main job title description was "talent evaluator" because they already had one of the best.
But that was a long time ago and that man is sipping Pina Coladas on his boat in Florida and the 'Boys haven't won squat since his departure.
Jerry Jones is only No. 4 on this list only because he has three rings. Three rings that he had little to do with. If only he could stay out of his own way, he could have a lot more rings.
Of all the owners on this list, Mr. Ford is the only one who employs a general manager...of course, the current general manger, Martin Mayhew, is a man that served directly under former general manger and pariah Matt Millen.
This illustrates one of Mr. Ford's flaws, loyalty, that in other aspects of life would be considered a virtue. His unflinching loyalty to certain people has no place in the business world of the NFL. It could sink a team from being a flagship team to say going 0-16.
From what I've gathered, Mr. Ford is a nice man. But nice doesn't win championships. I give him credit as well for providing the fans with the state of the art Ford Field.
Unfortunately, the Lions haven't fielded a competitive team in the last 40 years. Considering the bleak state of the economy around the country and especially the city of Detroit, I hope that changes this season for their sake.
Ok Bengals fans, please set me straight if I get this wrong but is it true that Mike Brown employs only one scout? That can't be.
I read that somewhere and...and...it just can't be! This is yet another case of the owner taking on responsibilities that shouldn't be his, i.e. general manager.
I have a few suggestions for Mr. Brown:
a. hire a gm.
b. hire a scouting department.
c. hire Herm Edwards to keep your troubled players out of trouble.
d. don't draft troubled players.
e. get rid of the "Carl Pickens Clause" from players' contracts that penalizes players for criticizing the franchise. Players should keep their mouths shut in general but this clause insinuates that there will be something to gripe about.
f. after following steps a through e, sit back, do nothing, let the wins and respectability start rolling in.
Al Davis was successful during his brief tenure as an NFL head coach. He helped guide the Raiders to Super Bowl wins in '76, '80 and '83. He hired the first Latino head coach and the second African American head coach.
He's put women in high power positions where other franchises have not. But, then again...
Al Davis was against the AFL-NFL merger that produced our current beloved league. He's filed multiple, seemingly never ending lawsuits against multiple parties including the NFL.
He traded Jon Gruden at the peak of Gruden's success (who then beat Davis in the Super Bowl as the coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers).
He drafted Darrius Heyward-Bey ahead of Michael Crabtree in this years NFL Draft.
He's turned one of the most feared and respected franchises into hermits who are afraid of winning; they're residing in a cave next to Mr. Davis'. We'll call it the Black Hole.
I'm of the opinion that Al Davis should sell the team and retire abroad. I say he visits Brazil, participates in Carnivale and discovers that there are other colors aside from black.
Too bad we all know that's not going to happen. Mr Davis recently said he's not going to leave the Raiders until he's dead or he wins two more Super Bowls. You can see where I'm heading here.
Is it against NFL rules for a ghost to run an NFL franchise?