UFC Undisputed 2009: A Random Goldfish Review

Maaannnn...you just got knocked the fuck out!

As Fourth and Fifty continues to diversity its portfolio, we’re penetrating new target markets, mainly this one. We’re also using our aggregate 70 years of video gaming to bring our expertiese to the masses. Here is our first review: THQ’s UFC Undisputed 2009. This review is done by The Random Guy and gaming content expert, guest FaFer, and honorary Canadian Goldfish. Enjoy! Or get knocked the fuck out. Either one, really.

THQ’s UFC Undisputed 2009 is the re-reconceputalization of mixed martial arts for gaming. There have been several prior UFC games, but they all were “teh suxors”. Now that MMA has grown tremendously in popularity, it only makes sense that the video game genre gets a reboot. Undisputed ‘09 is the first in the series of what is sure to be yearly iterations, ala Madden and other major franchises. The virginal undertaking for any franchise is usually a scrappy but flawed effort, as the developer is usually starting from scratch. This is absolutely true for Undisputed - it does a number of things well for a first-timer, but there are certainly areas for improvement as the series moves forward. Overall a solid effort.  Here is our rating scale and keep reading for the full review. ’

Overall: 76 out of 100.  Win by split decision, but not close to the Fight of the Night.

Full Review…

Why's the cover model got to be white?

The reason you should trust this review and not the snobs at IGN or gametrailers.com is that we’re regular dudes. If you’ve ever read a review from a professional in any medium and thought “that’s harsh, I wasn’t looking for Bad Boys 2 to have an incredible narrative arc” or “I never played the game he just referenced for the Sega Saturn”, we’ve thought the same. Nothing bugs us more than snobby reviewers of games, movies, books, tv shows, etc. TRG’s favorite game of all time is the original Saints Row, and here is why.  The game is ridiculous and over-the-top and it probably falls behind the GTA series in a number of ways. But the first time you get a pistol in Saints Row, you turn it sideways and you cap a bitch. You cap a lot of bitches with your sideway gat. That shit is fun. We don’t care about anything else. This is an entertainment medium. TRG also prefer Dan Brown to Dostoyesvky. If you don’t like that, stick some latin scrolls up your ass, jabroni. On to the rating system*.

Graphics: 16 out of 20. Good looking character models, with the exception of a hideous Dana White, the faces of the ring girls, and 20% of the fighters that look like crap (i.e. Chris Leben’s hydrocephalic noggin, fugly-ass Roger Huerta, etc). We were particularly upset about digital Huerta, given that he is soooo dreamy in real life. But then again, Huerta left UFC to pursue “acting”, so maybe this is their passive-aggressive way of paying him back. The collision detection is very strong, which is particularly impressive considering there are 6 distinct types of martial arts: boxing, muy thai, kickboxing, judo, wrestling, and BJJ. This is a tremendous feat. Yes, we’re graphics whores. Fo shores.

A few weak points. The first is that the damage system (how faces and bodies change as they get beat up – bleeding and bruising) isn’t even as good as Fight Night Round 3, and that came out like 7