Mets. These are not the Mets you were looking for.
1B. Dan Murphy. You know Dan, he was the guy they decided to play in left field instead of spending money on Manny Ramirez. (About that, you tell me on July 3rd that you don't want Manny on your team. I will be here.) Well now he's the first baseman.
2B. Luis Castillo. You remember Luis. You booed the heck out of him all last year and cursed the Mets all off-season for not replacing him. It seems as if he's much better this year until you notice the .273
SS. You know him, you love him...Ramon Martinez. Can't hit, can't field. Awesome.
3B. David Wright. The only member of the core still playing. Aren't you excited about the idea of breaking up the core. Wright is the guy you jerks booed in April. Nice head.
LF. Gary Sheffield. We all complained when the Mets grabbed him because we had a crush on Church. Now as the Mets become the walking wounded, Sheffield seems like ol' reliable.
CF. Jeremy Reed. He's hitting .311 We don't know much about him, but he's hitting .311
RF. Angel Pagan. You forgot he even existed. His resurrection was like John Stearns showing up on the 1984 Mets. Really, you're back?
C Omir Santos. Yep, another player who was talked about all off-season. We all counted on him all winter, and now he delivers. Oh wait...we didn't think about him at all.
Now lets look at the pitchers. An ace, three headcases (Pelfrey and the Yips, Putz and the 8th-inning phoboia, and whatever Ollie's problem is), two retreads pitching in the rotation and K-Rod. Oh wait, his back hurts.
In other words the team is a disaster....but wait....I'm here to tell all Mets fans to calm the heck down. You know why? It's Memorial Day, Jerry is playing a lineup that looks like it is from the 1979 Mets...and the Mets are only 1.5 game out.
Not bad at all.