An Open Letter to Bears Fans from Cedric Benson: It's Time I Got Arrested Again

(Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)

Dear Bears Fans,

Hey, it's your old pal Cedric here. You guys probably miss me. You probably say to yourself "Whatever happened to the greatest running back ever to put on a Bears uniform?"

I don't blame you. I want to comfort you by letting you know I'm still around, but I play in Cincinnati now.

You might say, "Boy, Ced, sounds like you want to get your career back on track. You'll probably rush for 2,000 yards next season. Because you're so good."

I know, right?

Seems like the next logical step for everybody's favorite ex-Bear would be to come into 2009 working hard and proving to everyone that I'm not the biggest idiot/bust/waste of space in the history of the Bears.

Wrong.

The next logical step for ol' Ced is—get ready...

...I'm going to get drunk and fly. And I'm going to get arrested doing it. That's right, I'm going to get busted for driving drunk by land, sea, and air.

The thought first came to me as I was being dragged off a boat and maced.

I thought, "Hey, this is pretty great. I bet nobody will be disappointed if I screw my career and piss away the money, faith, and trust of Bear fans and the Bears organization. I should drive a car drunk, next."

Once I got busted doing that, I knew it was my destiny to complete the drunk-driving trifecta.

Let's face it; it's hard to get noticed on the Bengals, so this is a great way to get cut and spend the last year of my worthless career playing for the Raiders.

Just make sure you hang on to my jersey and rookie card!

Anyway, thanks for all the memories, Bear fans!

Your Friend,

Cedric Benson

P.S.: By memories, I mean money.

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